Aussie Humour

[magic_idol]

Subject: FW: Aussie humor...


A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news."

"Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first…"
The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead.
Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."

The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks, "what's the good news.......??

The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."
He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.

"Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?"

"Well," the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again.....!"

[Mortimer]

With any luck you will stay in Australia.






Awful.

[magic_idol]

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

[my miss storm cat]

Originally Posted by magic_idol

Subject: FW: Aussie humor...


A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news."

"Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first…"
The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead.
Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."

The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks, "what's the good news.......??

The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."
He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.

"Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?"

"Well," the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again.....!"

Maybe it's just my mood but I'm still laughing...

[Mortimer]

I know it cracked at least 3 of my ribs.









































Wow.















I know it's not me.

[onebadbeast]

I've Heard There Are Some Good Blonde Babes In Australia...........

[magic_idol]

Originally Posted by onebadbeast

I've Heard There Are Some Good Blonde Babes In Australia...........

Olivia Newton John ?

Grease Me Baby

[Mortimer]

Can this thread possibly get any cornier ?




Boxcar Willie would never have put up with it.

[hi_im_god]

son: mama, i have the biggest feet in the 3rd grade. is it because i'm australian?

mom: no. it's because you're 19.


did you hear about the earthquake that hit alice springs and inflicted $11 million in improvements?


what's the difference between a coyote and a dingo?

if a dingo gets caught in a trap, he chews off 3 legs and is still in the trap.



the difference between texans and australians is that texans may raise cattle but australians get emotionally involved.

if you think any of that was funny, you might be scuds.