warning, this is dark

[Antitrust32]

A friend of mine & former college roommate had been struggling with mental illness for the past few years. She suffered from major depression disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder. She had struggled so much.

Last week she decided to end her life. I've always felt that suicide was the biggest cop-out, and so selfish. With her I dont feel that way though. I feel that she tried as hard as she could, but just couldnt make it in this world.

She blogged about her experiences in mental hospitals. It is a very interesting, but dark and depressing, read about a person who is struggling so much inside but is able to capture how she is feeling very well on paper. It also details about her treatment and her struggles with her treatment. She ended up getting kicked out of the treatment center because they found out about her blog, and she took a road trip back to Arizona with her father and took her life when she got back.

I really dont know if I should post this or not, but her writing is so interesting, that maybe it could help people understand what people with mental illness feel like. I feel so sorry for her, but I'm happy she finally has peace. There could very well be a book or movie made about her writings someday.. these are just some of her writings.. she has journaled and written screen plays her whole life. IQ off the charts... maybe two smart for her own good.

I just kind of feel the need to get her words out there. And I very much apologize if this is not appropriate, if people feel that way this thread can be deleted.

http://kristyashley.wordpress.com/the-mclooney-posts/

that is the link to her posts about the hospital she was in. You kinda have to start from the bottom of the page and make your way up if you read it. she also has poetry and other journal entries under "General" and "Mental Illness" sections. RIP girl.

[SniperSB23]

Ouch Lori, really sorry to hear that. Suicide is pretty tough to deal with.

[Antitrust32]

Originally Posted by SniperSB23

Ouch Lori, really sorry to hear that. Suicide is pretty tough to deal with.

Thank you, but honestly I dont want people to think I posted this looking for sympathy.. I was upset for a couple days but I've accepted it... especially after reading her blog.

I posted this to get her words and experience out there. She had a huge talent for writing. Also, she wanted to be a big advocate for people with mental illness. The stats are sad, about how many people have mental illness but cannot afford treatment. She started a facebook page called Sick Girl.. and it was to raise awareness and let people know they arent alone out there. She really wanted to raise money so people who can afford treatment can get good treatment. Some of her friends have started the Sick Girl Foundation in her memory. I hope it works out.

[GBBob]

Originally Posted by Antitrust32

A friend of mine & former college roommate had been struggling with mental illness for the past few years. She suffered from major depression disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder. She had struggled so much.

Last week she decided to end her life. I've always felt that suicide was the biggest cop-out, and so selfish. With her I dont feel that way though. I feel that she tried as hard as she could, but just couldnt make it in this world.

She blogged about her experiences in mental hospitals. It is a very interesting, but dark and depressing, read about a person who is struggling so much inside but is able to capture how she is feeling very well on paper. It also details about her treatment and her struggles with her treatment. She ended up getting kicked out of the treatment center because they found out about her blog, and she took a road trip back to Arizona with her father and took her life when she got back.

I really dont know if I should post this or not, but her writing is so interesting, that maybe it could help people understand what people with mental illness feel like. I feel so sorry for her, but I'm happy she finally has peace. There could very well be a book or movie made about her writings someday.. these are just some of her writings.. she has journaled and written screen plays her whole life. IQ off the charts... maybe two smart for her own good.

I just kind of feel the need to get her words out there. And I very much apologize if this is not appropriate, if people feel that way this thread can be deleted.

http://kristyashley.wordpress.com/the-mclooney-posts/

that is the link to her posts about the hospital she was in. You kinda have to start from the bottom of the page and make your way up if you read it. she also has poetry and other journal entries under "General" and "Mental Illness" sections. RIP girl.

Mental illness is a very misunderstood disease that offers little in healing and care when compared to "traditional" diseases. My Brother In Law had a totally normal childhood until he started hearing voices at age 17..by age 19 he was paranoid schizo and drank a half a bottle of Drano because he was "told" to. He survived, but has been in and out of horrible State Hospitals ever since. The courts finally agreed he was stable enough to live with his Mom and it's been that way for several years now, fortunately.

Your thread offers a great insight into a World that hopefully none of us have to deal with. I always cringe when certain posters use the phrase "Retard" to describe aspects of the horse game and although I can be as non PC as the next guy, it still bothers me.

I'm sorry about your friend and what she had to deal with. I agree with your perspective on her suicide and hope she has found peace at last. RIP

[brianwspencer]

Thanks for posting this -- couldn't agree with Bob any more than I do. I think it's so poorly understood and still very taboo to talk about in many circles, but it's a really serious issue and I've been around plenty of it to have seen it first hand.

Sorry about your friend, I'm glad you're doing as okay as possible. Hopefully there's peace for her after everything.

[dellinger63]

wow tough read knowing what the outcome was. Hopefully she is looking down w/a huge a$$ smile on her face and everyone in heaven is wearing a bra! lol Thanks for posting. Maybe it will help some people.

[Cannon Shell]

A disturbing trend in medicine is the overuse of antidepressants for those who need them or not. While some people absolutley will benefit from them, the side effects for some are tragic. Once you are on them it is very tricky to get off especially the stronger ones. Withdrawl from antidepressants often leads to bizzare behavior, drug abuse and even suicide. And the truth is that many doctors simply arent equipped to deal with mental illness and pass the buck or throw pills at it.

[GBBob]

Originally Posted by Cannon Shell

A disturbing trend in medicine is the overuse of antidepressants for those who need them or not. While some people absolutley will benefit from them, the side effects for some are tragic. Once you are on them it is very tricky to get off especially the stronger ones. Withdrawl from antidepressants often leads to bizzare behavior, drug abuse and even suicide. And the truth is that many doctors simply arent equipped to deal with mental illness and pass the buck or throw pills at it.

Tom Cruise in 3-2-1...

[philcski]

Originally Posted by Cannon Shell

A disturbing trend in medicine is the overuse of antidepressants for those who need them or not. While some people absolutley will benefit from them, the side effects for some are tragic. Once you are on them it is very tricky to get off especially the stronger ones. Withdrawl from antidepressants often leads to bizzare behavior, drug abuse and even suicide. And the truth is that many doctors simply arent equipped to deal with mental illness and pass the buck or throw pills at it.

Next to impossible.


Very sad, Lori. My heart goes out to you, my friend.

[Bigsmc]

Very sad. Condolences Lori.

A fascinating and troubling read. An emotional roller coaster.

[Antitrust32]

Originally Posted by Cannon Shell

A disturbing trend in medicine is the overuse of antidepressants for those who need them or not. While some people absolutley will benefit from them, the side effects for some are tragic. Once you are on them it is very tricky to get off especially the stronger ones. Withdrawl from antidepressants often leads to bizzare behavior, drug abuse and even suicide. And the truth is that many doctors simply arent equipped to deal with mental illness and pass the buck or throw pills at it.

that is so true. I was having some anxiety issues a little less than a year ago and I told my doctor about it.. some panic attacks but nothing completely abnormal. I wanted to get some lorazapam or something to calm down my nerves and heart when I felt that way. Its not like I would feel like that all the time... just sometimes when the stress got to much for my body to handle it normally. So the doc gives me this pill to take EVERYDAY. when i read the label its was a STRONG antidepressant called pristique. I was very upset with my doctor. Such a cop out.. instead of trying to help my anxiety he gave me the latest hard core antidepressant to pad his wallet a little.

I took it for a few days and it helped.. but that was because I couldnt feel ANYTHING but happiness. After a few days I started to feel like a zombie and was like Fucl< This ****! I will never go to that doctor for anything anymore... not even for something like flu medicine. It was quite upsetting and I think it is a big trend.

[TheSpyder]

Yep, for sure. My wife suffers from similar diagnosis as Laurie's friend. She is on four different drugs and has been on this drug roller coaster for 20 years.

I once did research and you can find medical journels that say to try A-B-C drugs. Then if that doesn't work try A-B-D, then if that doesn' work try D-H-J and so on and so on and so on.

There are some and maybe many people where these drugs simply do not work and over time the latent affect of being on all these cannot be good.

Last, as Laurie's friends blog points out, you're really just a number to many of these intitutions where the treatment is very inadequate to say the least.

The drug companies have become so powerful they force their products into society. It's a mess and people suffer.

Originally Posted by Cannon Shell

A disturbing trend in medicine is the overuse of antidepressants for those who need them or not. While some people absolutley will benefit from them, the side effects for some are tragic. Once you are on them it is very tricky to get off especially the stronger ones. Withdrawl from antidepressants often leads to bizzare behavior, drug abuse and even suicide. And the truth is that many doctors simply arent equipped to deal with mental illness and pass the buck or throw pills at it.

[Danzig]

i read not long ago about a woman who was struggling with both mental illness and stupid family members. they wanted a priest to come and exorcise her demons; they refused to believe that it was a medical issue.

very sorry lori that your friend lost her battle with a horrible disease.

[declansharbor]

Sorry to hear of your friends untimely death Lori. Her blog is a most interesting read, esp. the frozen orange and the entry from 12/14. I'm not done delving into the blog, but I will be by day's end. She had a wonderful talent of conveying her feelings. I'm sure that you're using it as some sort of therapy. Thank you for sharing, I find it to be very insightful.

A buddy of mine that suffered with mental issues, just last week, committed suicide by intentional drug overdose. He had a history of drug abuse but was clean for over 2 years. Something triggered him (his brother thinks it was a fight with his girlfriend) and he bought a boat load of tombstones (xanax I believe) and drowned them with a bottle of beefeater. He was a great kid who had his share of problems, but we all do and its how we deal with them gauges our strength. He never was one to face his battles head-on. RIP Brian Engarde.

My whole life, I was as lucky as they come in regards to my friends dying. Not once had to experience lowering a friend into the ground. That all changed about 2 years ago and have since had to bury 3 of them. they are all tough to swallow, but the accidental deaths are much, much harder to deal with. Time heals all wounds. Again Lori, Im saddened to hear of your friends decision to end her life, as we only get one go around at this crazy thing.

Hang in there kiddo and remember all of the fun times that you two shared.