What I did on my summer vacation......

satan's twin · #1 07-31-2007, 07:03 PM

After some much needed sleep and a new business trip to the left coast looming only a few hours from now, the alcoholic fog has lifted and a few of the more memorable Spa moments are clearer. For starters, the good news is that, to the best of my knowledge, after this weekend, no one from Derby Trail is being sought by the local authorities "as a person of interest" for any irregularities that may have occurred recently in the greater Saratoga Springs area. I am forgetting so much, but these incidents I remember...

1. Watching GPK at Siro's after the races sitting on Dellinger's lap to deliver a delectable morsel of his own creation. In retrospect, that "hunka, hunka burnin' love" that Kev delivered was probably the perfect gift to give a compadre that just lost a winning $2700 pic 3 ticket hours before around the picnic tables at the Bar-B-Q stand.

2. GPK's all-time favorite horse was rumored to be at Saratoga. It came out in conversation that the little feller hoped to one day be able to have the opportunity to stand adjacent to the horse and get up on his tippy-toes so he could reach up to pet the underbelly of that great Asian stallion, Eng Chan. Seizing a golden opportunity to f*ck with Kev, Chuck Simon gleefully led Kev, clad in flipflops, on a six furlong jaunt through a trail of mud and horsesh*t to the Pletcher barn where Chuck finally burst his balloon and told him the horse was actually at Belmont. Though it didn't happen, I was so hoping that Chuck would have thrown him a bone and taken him on another muddy six furlong jaunt to go meet Secretariat.

3. It was quite a sight to see TommyBoy (Scav) about to climax after getting an autograph from Jorge Velasquez during an interview with Byk even though Scav had no idea who the guy was. He looked bummed when I broke it to him that Velasquez was the head groundskeeper at the track.

4. It was an eye-opener watching John Marzec as he helped expedite the break-up of a DT couple, hit on our favorite lesbian hoping he'd get a chance 'to take a walk on the wild side' and then joining Marty (Gales) as they tag teamed a couple hotties at a bar in town before closing, John's target being a grandmother with a 31 year old step-son..........all in the space of six hours.
I don't know how to end this one----Vote on your favorite:
a. "way to spray the ball to all fields, A-Rod"
b. "Nice work with your sword tonite, Zorro"

5. The dinner recommendations to Hell from Mr. Byk (along with stellar directions) to Cafe-Kiss-My-Fat-Ass. "It's easy to get to. You're dressed fine. And it's reasonably priced." No, No, and HELL NO! $16 for a f*cking wedge of lettuce. $5 more for a dose of attitude. Maybe when my hunchback brother straightens up!
Nice recovery, though, with Augie's in Ballston Spa, Stever.

6. Asking nonDT'er Billy Downes to join the soiree was a hotly debated topic amongst the Chicago contingent in the weeks leading up to the opening of Saratoga. Mr. Downes has perfected the art of short arms and long pockets and has managed to avoid picking up a tab for anything since Roosevelt's first administration. (Teddy's. Not Franklin's) He certainly didn't disappoint this trip as he managed to avoid letting any moths escape from his change purse until Friday afternoon. He erupted in righteous indignation when he found out that the beers he'd been bogarting for three days were a late arrival that day, thus forcing him to use the decoder in his pocket in order to open his wallet. Sorry for the inconvenience, Senator......By the way, what in God's name is that smell?

7. On a Sunday when everyone thought they saw the performance of the day thrown by Street Sense, Cajun Gator and I were the only witnesses to the true classic thus far of the meet. Kudos to Mike P., an esteemed member of the Derby Trail Alumni Assn, for his dramatic role reversal from bombastic blowhart to a complete pillow biter in a nano second.
It began when a current DTer, who wishes to remain anonomous, proved to be a wee bit cranky and a whole lotta unreasonable, decided it was time to administer the ass-whooping of a lifetime to Mike that he has deservedly earned and so rich deserves. After soiling his gigantic panties, the big O bolted for the nearest track cop screaming "Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Faster than you could teach a frog to croak "cobra venom", he suddenly grew muscles again once there were a half dozen cops in between him and his would be assailant. With that Oscar-worthy performance, I don't see a legitimate challenger on the horizon to wrestle the Eclipse Award for "Creampuff of the Year" out of his fleshy grasp.

8. If the lovely and regal Princess Doreen (I thought she really was a princess. I don't get out much.) hadn't slipped me that handful of bing cherries to me on Saturday afternoon, I think I would have made it through the entire trip without consuming a single nutricious food morsel or drink, sans the lemon twists in my scotch and sodas.

9. Even though Brock Guy is really a German national now living in Wisconsin, he's now OUR German national living in Wisconsin. He is a grand lad and a blast to hang with. He crashed on the floor of our bedroom a few nights, as did half the visitors to Saratoga. I remember getting up in the middle of the night to tinkle and seeing so many bodies on the floor that I thought I must have passed out while we were trying to do a re-enactment of the first civil war battle at Manassas.

10. Matt(Hooves), Eileen and brother Chris, thanks for everything. No matter where you go to live, you'll always be Chicagoans at heart and will always carry a bit of the city with you. You are the best. P.S. The next hotel we stay at, we kill the pool boy BEFORE we start conversing. And yes, Matt. I smoked the stogie you gave me at the Cubs game last night.

11. Joey(A-Team), sorry for these notes. You describe it far better than I ever could. KEEP WRITING, DUDE. It's your calling. And when do you turn 21? I thought you were 30 years old, you rascal. And how in the hell did you get served when we were at the bar? Monmouth, baby! Or maybe the Jockey Club weekend at Belmont before that.

12. Marty(Gales-a walking party waiting to happen), Biggs, Scott(Sniper), GPK, Lori(Antitrust), Jamie(Cajun) and everyone and anyone else that wants to, when and where does the circus go from here? It's never to early to plan people.

13. Finally, Mr. Byk. The question on everyone's mind............What happened to those f*cking leftovers from Saturday night? I'll bet a crisp hundred dollar bill that if you leave them at the stand sitting out all night Tuesday, Gary Siacca snarfs them all up Wednesday afternoon.

SniperSB23 · #2 07-31-2007, 07:10 PM

Post of the year! Thanks again for everything this weekend Barney.

Danzig · #3 07-31-2007, 07:12 PM

lol

absolutely delightful write-up!!! makes me that much more envious that i missed all the fun.
but i'm working on next year.

blackthroatedwind · #4 07-31-2007, 07:29 PM

It's a good thing you missed Joey sleeping at Clancy's on Saturday night. I've seen just about everything else there but never that.

brianwspencer · #5 07-31-2007, 07:33 PM

Barney -- FANTASTIC.

The full range of my jealousy at having not attended had not fully been explored until right this moment, reading this.

Hope to see ya at AP soon enough!

SniperSB23 · #6 07-31-2007, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackthroatedwind

It's a good thing you missed Joey sleeping at Clancy's on Saturday night. I've seen just about everything else there but never that.

Yeah, I saw some guy giving out autographs.

Hickory Hill Hoff · #7 07-31-2007, 07:45 PM

Great account of the weekend Barney! It was a pleasure to meet you.....that trip from barn #86 to Schuylerville was one to remember! Number #7.....wish I was there to see that one!

blackthroatedwind · #8 07-31-2007, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SniperSB23

Yeah, I saw some guy giving out autographs.

One always has to be nice......even if you know it's probably just a joke.

ninetoone · #9 07-31-2007, 08:04 PM

I'm really pissed that I missed out...nice recap.

dellinger63 · #10 07-31-2007, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by satan's twin

After some much needed sleep and a new business trip to the left coast looming only a few hours from now, the alcoholic fog has lifted and a few of the more memorable Spa moments are clearer. For starters, the good news is that, to the best of my knowledge, after this weekend, no one from Derby Trail is being sought by the local authorities "as a person of interest" for any irregularities that may have occurred recently in the greater Saratoga Springs area. I am forgetting so much, but these incidents I remember...

1. Watching GPK at Siro's after the races sitting on Dellinger's lap to deliver a delectable morsel of his own creation. In retrospect, that "hunka, hunka burnin' love" that Kev delivered was probably the perfect gift to give a compadre that just lost a winning $2700 pic 3 ticket hours before around the picnic tables at the Bar-B-Q stand.

2. GPK's all-time favorite horse was rumored to be at Saratoga. It came out in conversation that the little feller hoped to one day be able to have the opportunity to stand adjacent to the horse and get up on his tippy-toes so he could reach up to pet the underbelly of that great Asian stallion, Eng Chan. Seizing a golden opportunity to f*ck with Kev, Chuck Simon gleefully led Kev, clad in flipflops, on a six furlong jaunt through a trail of mud and horsesh*t to the Pletcher barn where Chuck finally burst his balloon and told him the horse was actually at Belmont. Though it didn't happen, I was so hoping that Chuck would have thrown him a bone and taken him on another muddy six furlong jaunt to go meet Secretariat.

3. It was quite a sight to see TommyBoy (Scav) about to climax after getting an autograph from Jorge Velasquez during an interview with Byk even though Scav had no idea who the guy was. He looked bummed when I broke it to him that Velasquez was the head groundskeeper at the track.

4. It was an eye-opener watching John Marzec as he helped expedite the break-up of a DT couple, hit on our favorite lesbian hoping he'd get a chance 'to take a walk on the wild side' and then joining Marty (Gales) as they tag teamed a couple hotties at a bar in town before closing, John's target being a grandmother with a 31 year old step-son..........all in the space of six hours.
I don't know how to end this one----Vote on your favorite:
a. "way to spray the ball to all fields, A-Rod"
b. "Nice work with your sword tonite, Zorro"

5. The dinner recommendations to Hell from Mr. Byk (along with stellar directions) to Cafe-Kiss-My-Fat-Ass. "It's easy to get to. You're dressed fine. And it's reasonably priced." No, No, and HELL NO! $16 for a f*cking wedge of lettuce. $5 more for a dose of attitude. Maybe when my hunchback brother straightens up!
Nice recovery, though, with Augie's in Ballston Spa, Stever.

6. Asking nonDT'er Billy Downes to join the soiree was a hotly debated topic amongst the Chicago contingent in the weeks leading up to the opening of Saratoga. Mr. Downes has perfected the art of short arms and long pockets and has managed to avoid picking up a tab for anything since Roosevelt's first administration. (Teddy's. Not Franklin's) He certainly didn't disappoint this trip as he managed to avoid letting any moths escape from his change purse until Friday afternoon. He erupted in righteous indignation when he found out that the beers he'd been bogarting for three days were a late arrival that day, thus forcing him to use the decoder in his pocket in order to open his wallet. Sorry for the inconvenience, Senator......By the way, what in God's name is that smell?

7. On a Sunday when everyone thought they saw the performance of the day thrown by Street Sense, Cajun Gator and I were the only witnesses to the true classic thus far of the meet. Kudos to Mike P., an esteemed member of the Derby Trail Alumni Assn, for his dramatic role reversal from bombastic blowhart to a complete pillow biter in a nano second.
It began when a current DTer, who wishes to remain anonomous, proved to be a wee bit cranky and a whole lotta unreasonable, decided it was time to administer the ass-whooping of a lifetime to Mike that he has deservedly earned and so rich deserves. After soiling his gigantic panties, the big O bolted for the nearest track cop screaming "Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Faster than you could teach a frog to croak "cobra venom", he suddenly grew muscles again once there were a half dozen cops in between him and his would be assailant. With that Oscar-worthy performance, I don't see a legitimate challenger on the horizon to wrestle the Eclipse Award for "Creampuff of the Year" out of his fleshy grasp.

8. If the lovely and regal Princess Doreen (I thought she really was a princess. I don't get out much.) hadn't slipped me that handful of bing cherries to me on Saturday afternoon, I think I would have made it through the entire trip without consuming a single nutricious food morsel or drink, sans the lemon twists in my scotch and sodas.

9. Even though Brock Guy is really a German national now living in Wisconsin, he's now OUR German national living in Wisconsin. He is a grand lad and a blast to hang with. He crashed on the floor of our bedroom a few nights, as did half the visitors to Saratoga. I remember getting up in the middle of the night to tinkle and seeing so many bodies on the floor that I thought I must have passed out while we were trying to do a re-enactment of the first civil war battle at Manassas.

10. Matt(Hooves), Eileen and brother Chris, thanks for everything. No matter where you go to live, you'll always be Chicagoans at heart and will always carry a bit of the city with you. You are the best. P.S. The next hotel we stay at, we kill the pool boy BEFORE we start conversing. And yes, Matt. I smoked the stogie you gave me at the Cubs game last night.

11. Joey(A-Team), sorry for these notes. You describe it far better than I ever could. KEEP WRITING, DUDE. It's your calling. And when do you turn 21? I thought you were 30 years old, you rascal. And how in the hell did you get served when we were at the bar? Monmouth, baby! Or maybe the Jockey Club weekend at Belmont before that.

12. Marty(Gales-a walking party waiting to happen), Biggs, Scott(Sniper), GPK, Lori(Antitrust), Jamie(Cajun) and everyone and anyone else that wants to, when and where does the circus go from here? It's never to early to plan people.

13. Finally, Mr. Byk. The question on everyone's mind............What happened to those f*cking leftovers from Saturday night? I'll bet a crisp hundred dollar bill that if you leave them at the stand sitting out all night Tuesday, Gary Siacca snarfs them all up Wednesday afternoon.

Thanks for reminding me why I've worked for you 17yrs. There have been some bad years but none as good as the last three.

PS I'll have to email details of the CA case unless you pull another copy on A-track

ateamstupid · #11 07-31-2007, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by satan's twin

11. Joey(A-Team), sorry for these notes. You describe it far better than I ever could.

Nonsense. This was freaking brilliant, Barney, well done.

Quote:

Originally Posted by satan's twin

13. Finally, Mr. Byk. The question on everyone's mind............What happened to those f*cking leftovers from Saturday night?

*Points to stomach*

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackthroatedwind

It's a good thing you missed Joey sleeping at Clancy's on Saturday night. I've seen just about everything else there but never that.

You caught the tail end of a very long night for me.. ****, I'm lucky that Lori was able to revive me.

Cajungator26 · #12 07-31-2007, 09:26 PM

Great post, Barney (no surprise there.)

Can't wait to see you guys again. I'll have to come up to Arlington...

GPK · #13 08-01-2007, 05:17 AM

"I wouldn't walk across the street to see Jesus Christ, but I just walked through a 1/4 mile of mud and horse **** for a f*cking horse that ain't even here?!?" - SATANSTWIN

and answer my damn question...HOW THE F*CK DID WE RUN OUTTA GAS???

satan's twin · #14 08-01-2007, 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GPK

"I wouldn't walk across the street to see Jesus Christ, but I just walked through a 1/4 mile of mud and horse **** for a f*cking horse that ain't even here?!?" - SATANSTWIN

and answer my damn question...HOW THE F*CK DID WE RUN OUTTA GAS???

Because I wanted to see Scav have the big grabber as he tried to run up a hill in a long sleeved shirt and flipflops in 90 degree temperature then collapse into a field full of poison ivy along the side of the road...but hey,that's just me.