Bounced Check

[golfer]

This isn't new, but I like it anyway:

"BOUNCED CHECK" Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir :

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations , three nanoseconds must have elapsed between presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it .

I refer , of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension , an arrangement which , I admit, has been in place for only Eight years ..

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity , and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your Bank . My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways .

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters , --- when I try to contact You , I am confronted by the impersonal , overcharging , pre-recorded , faceless entity which your Bank has become .

From now on I choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person .

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic , but will arrive at your bank , by check , addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate .

Be aware that it is an Offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope . Please find attached an application Contract which I require your chosen employee to complete . I am sorry it runs to eight pages , but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me , there is no alternative .

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public , and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation ( income , debts , assets and liabilities ) must be accompanied by documented proof . In due course , at MY convenience , I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me . I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but , again , I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service . As they say , imitation is the sincerest form of flattery .

Let me level the playing field even further .

When you call me , press buttons as follows :

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING , PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH !

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there .

#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping .

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature .

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

#7. To leave a message on my computer , a password to access my computer is required . Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier .

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7 .

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry . The contact will then be put on hold , pending the attention of my automated answering service .

#10. This is a second Reminder to press * for English . While this may , on occasion , involve a lengthy wait , music noise will play for the duration of the call . Regrettably , but again following Your example , I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement . May I wish you a happy , if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year ?

Your Humble Client

( Remember : This was written by a 86 year old woman )
' YA JUST GOTTA LOVE " THE SENIORS " !!!

[Danzig]

funny you posted this today, as i just found a $47 mistake earlier when i checked my account online. seems paypaly put a 'hold' on the amount, for a book order. but the order was cancelled, and the hold removed--and so was my money, by my bank--but wasn't put back.

guess where my better half will be tomorrow afternoon?

[timmgirvan]

Great story....thanks!

[Riot]

Originally Posted by Danzig

funny you posted this today, as i just found a $47 mistake earlier when i checked my account online. seems paypaly put a 'hold' on the amount, for a book order. but the order was cancelled, and the hold removed--and so was my money, by my bank--but wasn't put back.

guess where my better half will be tomorrow afternoon?

General advice - if you have a debit card, have them run it through as a credit card any time where you are not personally swiping your own card and inputing your PIN - then no hold on funds occurs, and if there is a problem with the purchase (or someone at the location steals your info to drain your account) the "credit card protection" legality kicks in (you have zero protection with stealing from your account when someone swipes your debit card info - but if you've used your debit card as the "credit" option, you do)

I'm like you - I have a debit card, I love it, and I haven't written more than 1-2 hard-copy checks a month in a couple years

[Danzig]

we got the problem solved with no difficulties.
and yeah, that thing has me spoiled. never seem to carry cash--which on occasion can present a problem when a store has their line down for some reason.
but i no longer have to have a credit card for reservations and such. we haven't had one of those in forever and a day.

[Cajungator26]

Originally Posted by Danzig

we got the problem solved with no difficulties.
and yeah, that thing has me spoiled. never seem to carry cash--which on occasion can present a problem when a store has their line down for some reason.
but i no longer have to have a credit card for reservations and such. we haven't had one of those in forever and a day.

Someone stole my purse with all of my plastic in it... what a nightmare. I was calling everyone and their mother last night to get all of them cancelled. They have my Driver's License, Student ID and checkbook too. I had to put a fraud alert on my credit report today. I wish people could just be honest.

[Danzig]

i had a wallet stolen years ago. only had about 2 bucks in it, but the hassle of going to dmv etc to get stuff replaced....it's awful.
but in this day and age, with id theft, i can't imagine.

and an fyi, no one should ever carry their social security card. keep it locked up at home in a safe place ( we have a safe, but your freezer is an excellent place to keep important papers)-the only time you should break it out is for an employer.
arkansas used to use your ss # as your drivers license #, unless you requested otherwise. of course that's out now.
and don't put that #on your checks either.

on a related note, you're allowed a free peek once a year at your credit reports...i usually check mine at tax time.