The Day the Penis Asked for a Raise

[TheSpyder]

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise


I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following

reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

I work HARD.

I always get the job done, but not always for management.



Sincerely,



P. Niss







The Response:



Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have

raised, the administration rejects your request for the following

reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always

follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated

area and are often seen visiting other

locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in

order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always

observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective

clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned

task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and

exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.



Sincerely,



V. Gina

[GBBob]

Originally Posted by TheSpyder

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise


I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following

reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

I work HARD.

I always get the job done, but not always for management.



Sincerely,



P. Niss







The Response:



Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have

raised, the administration rejects your request for the following

reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always

follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated

area and are often seen visiting other

locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in

order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always

observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective

clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned

task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and

exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.



Sincerely,



V. Gina

plus his two neighbors are nuts and the guy behind him is an a-hole

[mclem10011]

Originally Posted by TheSpyder

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise


I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following

reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

I work HARD.

I always get the job done, but not always for management.



Sincerely,



P. Niss







The Response:



Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have

raised, the administration rejects your request for the following

reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always

follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated

area and are often seen visiting other

locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in

order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always

observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective

clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned

task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and

exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.



Sincerely,



V. Gina

Someone call ESPN, Spyder has just given us an INSTANT CLASSIC! LOL

[Downthestretch55]

Pretty good one, Spyder.

Here's one....

The family was gathered to decorate the Christmas tree. Young son asks Daddy, "Is it ok for us males to look at women's boobs?"
Daddy says, "Sure, you've probably noticed that every woman has her own unique set. When a woman is in her twenties to thirty, they are round and ripe like gorgeous melons, when she's in her forties they're like pears, still sweet. When she's past fifty, they're like onions."
"Onions???" the boy asks.
"yes, once you look at 'em, you want to cry."

Then the little daughter chimes in.
"Mommy, are all men's penises alike?"
Mommy says, "Oh no! When a man is in his twenties, he's like an oak. Strong, tall, and solid wood. In his thirties and forties, he's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After fifty, he's about like this here Christmas tree a week after Christmas."
"How's that Mommy? daughter asks.
Well, it's pretty much dried up and the balls are just hanging there for decoration."

[GenuineRisk]

Spyder, that was hilarious.

[Mortimer]

I really thought V. Gina's response would be a simple "eat me."

[AeWingnut]

"Life is a banquet














SO EAT ME"

[hi_im_god]

everyone needs to raise their standards.

instant classic?

hilarious?

i'd go with retarded and sad.

you people must love carrot top.

it's a talking penis. laying out 20 year old material.

and the smack from v. gina (get it!). that's fresh.

all this string is missing is the married with children sound track.

wooooooooooooooh! (<----rising, then falling)

[hi_im_god]

Originally Posted by Downthestretch55

Pretty good one, Spyder.

Here's one....

The family was gathered to decorate the Christmas tree. Young son asks Daddy, "Is it ok for us males to look at women's boobs?"
Daddy says, "Sure, you've probably noticed that every woman has her own unique set. When a woman is in her twenties to thirty, they are round and ripe like gorgeous melons, when she's in her forties they're like pears, still sweet. When she's past fifty, they're like onions."
"Onions???" the boy asks.
"yes, once you look at 'em, you want to cry."

Then the little daughter chimes in.
"Mommy, are all men's penises alike?"
Mommy says, "Oh no! When a man is in his twenties, he's like an oak. Strong, tall, and solid wood. In his thirties and forties, he's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After fifty, he's about like this here Christmas tree a week after Christmas."
"How's that Mommy? daughter asks.
Well, it's pretty much dried up and the balls are just hanging there for decoration."

in some alternate universe there is a reader's digest that would accept the words "boobs" and "penis" where this was the best joke ever published.

[TheSpyder]

So God,

Who put you in charge? What happened to that "judge not" thing?

[Mortimer]

He shouldn't take any lip from V.Gina.

[AeWingnut]

https://store.puscifer.com/frameset.html

[Mortimer]

Clit Eastwood is a sissy.

[hi_im_god]

Originally Posted by TheSpyder

So God,

Who put you in charge? What happened to that "judge not" thing?

all i'm asking is that comedy be left to the pro's.

if you've sunk to repeating a 20 year old joke, you're not funny.

you know why i don't post any picks on the site?

i'm a terrible handicapper. i learned my limits and don't inflict my poor opinion's on other's.

i know funny though. and judging by that abortion you posted to start this string, you don't have any.

v. gina and p. niss. my god.

oh, the humanity!!!

[Mortimer]

Or he could have said to her...you can't.

[TheSpyder]

[quote=hi_im_god]i learned my limits and don't inflict my poor opinion's on other's.
quote]

ahhhhhhhhhhh, in a selective way I guess. So why give it here?
Spyder

[hi_im_god]

[quote=TheSpyder]

Originally Posted by hi_im_god

i learned my limits and don't inflict my poor opinion's on other's.
quote]

ahhhhhhhhhhh, in a selective way I guess. So why give it here?
Spyder

zing!

woooooooooh! (<---rising, then falling)

[hi_im_god]

[quote=TheSpyder]

Originally Posted by hi_im_god

i learned my limits and don't inflict my poor opinion's on other's.
quote]

ahhhhhhhhhhh, in a selective way I guess. So why give it here?
Spyder

dy-no-mite!!!!!!

[hi_im_god]

ding-ding-ding-ding ding!!!!!

it's the morning zoo with spyder and the baby!!!!

[hi_im_god]

just drop the red nose and walk away slowly.