Celeb Matches

[Downthestretch55]

Well, now that Brittany (OOps! I did it again) and KFed have gone their seperate ways, and Sir Paul and the lovely Heather M are splitsville, I think they should just swap 'em. Yup, Mz Speares and Sir Paul (if he's willing to move off the estate and to the La trailer park) and KFed with Heather M, causes the ex-Mrs McCarney will be getting a nice settlement and it seems that Mr Fed, if he hitches to her wagon, won't have to bother the next Mrs Sir Paul (Britt) for support. Perhaps his musical "career" will go better for him if he transplants across the pond, as it doesn't seem to be catching fire here in the states.

Now, another match that seems to be "right"...
Markie-boy Foley and Kenny ("God guy") Haggert. Seems like a natural.
Since they met on the mountain trail outside of Boulder (rumor has it),
when Markie-boy was leading a hike for reunited pages, and Kenny (I buy meth but throw it away) was leading a "youth group" of up-and-comers, and they traded eyelid flutters...well, this might happen...especially after they met up with that nasty grizzly bear, Hastert, and tossed him off the cliff.
Kenny to the rescue.

After the hike, a beautiful "picnic" was provided by Ms Britt for the lucky survivors. KFed wasn't invited and Sir Paul couldn't make it. They missed out on some tastey pork jowls and craw dads.
Pass, the gumbo.

More matches tomorrow.

[Downthestretch55]

What a day! What a headache!
Don't know why my head was throbbing, but since I don't use medications, I figured I'd walk on over to the pharmacy and buy some Bayer aspirin.
I picked some up and was walking toward the counter, and who should be standing there, arm in arm, waiting to get their counterfeit prescriptions filled?
Take a minute and guess... go ahead.
If you guessed Courney Love and Rush Limbaugh, you might win the "pill bottle award".
Do I know what will come from this coupling?
Of course not.
From the dazed look in their eyes, they're either deeply smitten or coming down quickly before the "shakes" set in.
Anyway, best of luck to these drug-birds, oops, love birds.

btw...my headache is much better...two bayers did the trick.

Oh, speaking of tricks...does anyone know who the lovely dish seen on Rich Cheney's arm is? Did you see them at the deli too? How could they eat that much balogna?

Pass the cold cuts

[Downthestretch55]

Just got back from the grocery store.
Didn't know I'd find this bit of juicy gossip near the instant potatoes. Right next to the Uncle Ben's converted rice (hey...don't ask me, I didn't know what religion they were before).
Anyway, I had just put the Pillsbury doughboy into the bottom of the cart, right next to Hungry Jack (gosh, they looked good together), and who should come strolling down the aisle, filling their cart with mashed potatoes, gravy!!! Whooooo!
If you guessed Little Richard, you are correct....
and his current love interest???
You won't believe it!
Condaleeza Rice! (Hey, I gave you a clue above).
Yup! Right there between the oatmeal and the Italian breadcrumbs.

Well, I left them to their shopping while I did mine.
We met up again at the "check-out". They were in front of me.
And who do you think comes behind me?
You'll never guess.
Picture a shopping cart filled with beef. Right! Big red meat! A couple of bags of pork rinds. That's it.
If you guessed Mike Tyson and his current babe, Starr Jones....DING! DING!
Maybe you get a rib-eye. How did Starr get that purple one? OWWWCH!
Anger management might be in the works.

More tomorrow. I'll be tailing Mel Gibson and let you know what I find out.

pass the roasted beef

[Downthestretch55]

Lucky day!!!
More juicey!

I swung by "Lenny's famous Bar an' Grill" for a cold one and who do I see sitting at the bar, crying in each other's beer.
Unbelievable...I couldn't make this up.
(well, actually I do)

Anyway, there at the bar, crying alligator tears into their bud draughts are none other than Katherine (hanging chad) Harris, and John (put my foot in my mouth again) Kerry. Kissin' and making up like there's no tomorrow. My guess is that there isn't.

Pass the beer nuts.

[Downthestretch55]

Went to the bagel shop for my morning carbs and who should I spy?
Mel (I own Malibu) Gibson with his new love interest, Madeline Albright.
Looks like this match will have lots of "passion".

Pass the lox.

[Downthestretch55]

With all this talk about "draining the swamp", I decided to take a walk to have a look for myself. What do I discover but a little green guy named Kermit, totally despondent about the prospect of losing his home. At least Joda was there trying to console him.
Well, Kermie and I got talkin' about blondes we've been around and he told me the tale of where his departed "love interest" had fled to.
Seems she went to Florida and has recently been seen with a guy that's had a "thing" for blondes for a while. He asked me if I remembered what happened to the beautiful Nicole. Then the tears welled up in the little green guy's eyes. Very sad.
They've been spotted sipping mamosas from the same glass at a posh golf course near Miami. His hand even seemed to be probing beneath her designer gown. Oh my!
If you haven't figured by now, I'll pass this on...
Yup! OJ Simpson and Miss Piggy.
It's looking like this "glove" will fit and there won't be an acquit.
Be careful Miss P! This guy could be dangerous.

pass the orange juice.

[Downthestretch55]

Wowser! Wowser! Wowser!

Decided to take a drive this afternoon. The danged steering wheel kept going to the right. I'd set it to go straight, and sure enough, it start swerving to the right.
Well, I'm drivin' down this mountain road, trying to keep to the center, fight the right-going steering wheel, radio blasting a Dixie Chick's song, and what do I see on the right shoulder of the road? A blond lady, soaked to the skin from the rain, hair all drooping down, with her thumb stuck out like she needs a ride somewhere. So, of course, the wheel grabs itself out of my hands and, you guessed it, veers over to the right...right to the right side of that road.
Heck, I wasn't even thinking of giving her a ride, but here she comes, runnin' up the right side of the road. What could I do?
Well, tryin' to be polite (cause that's the way I was raised), I push the button to let the passenger side window down. She jumps right in!
OK, now I was a bit rattled. So I ask, where you going?
She didn't say a word. Just sat there.
So, I say, what's your name?
And the wet blond says, Anne Coulter.
Uh huh.
I pull back onto the road and start to drive off.
Out of the bushes, this guy jumps into the back of the pick-up!
I'm a bit spooked by this, so I ask Anne, do you know him?
She says, yes.
Now I'm a little curious about this guy, looking like a drowned Captain Kangaroo in the bed of the pick-up, so I ask, who is he?
She says, John Bolton....the UN guy.
OK, I say.
And where might both of you be going?
With a silly look on that wet blond face, she says, "nowhere".
I guess she was right, cause when they went to get something inside the convenience store while I was gassin' up, I drove off before they came back.
I've gotta get that right turning steering wheel checked.
I hope Anne and John figure out where there going, but nowhere seems about right.

pass the gas

[Downthestretch55]

The "tabloid news" continues....
What the heck is going on with this?
Did my eyes deceive or was that really Bill (no spin zone) O'Reilly and his new babe, Martha Stewart signing a triple x dvd from Block Buster in line in front of me when I was waiting to ring up my "Dreamer" choice?
Sure, I must admit that I followed them on their "errands" to Frederick's where Martha made a nice purchase on a transparent "naughty", but frankly, I had no idea...none...no spin. XXX!

If anyone "across the pond" has an inside, can you confirm if there's anything to the Margaret Thatcher, Rosie O'Donnell, Gary Coleman "love triangle" story that seems to be on its way? Are these two beauties really going to "duke it out" over "him"?
Your info would be appreciated.

I'm putting in the dvd.

Pass the cheese doodles.

[Downthestretch55]

YIKES!!!
Fed-ex is shopping the video...OH MY!
OOOPS! She did it again.
For those that think I'm making this up...have a look...
http://www.playfuls.com/news_0000162...o_Sell_It.html

Pass the lolli-pops

[Downthestretch55]

I can't confirm this one, but if anyone living in Chi-town can find out, might help to "put the rubber where it meets the road", if ya know what I mean.
Is there really something going on with John McCain and Oprah Winfrey?
I know you folks live in a "windy city".
Where's that "windy" blowin'?
I'll stay tuned and hope you get back to the "tabloid news".

pass the kabasi

[Downthestretch55]

Still more tabloid news today!
Congrats to Gerald R (give me a pardon) Ford on his longevity record.
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/ar...for_longevity/
I sure hope that when he's back from the taxidermists, the "real" story about the NancyXGerry, RonnieXBetty swap fest will be revealed.
Lets just put their "mounts" in the Lincoln bedroom where it all "happened".
Should bring plenty of "tourists" to the White House tour.
Big boost for the DC visitor's center.

pass the moth balls.

[Downthestretch55]

Just when I thought the "tabloid news" had done enough for today, here comes Whitney Houston again. I don't care about Bobby Brown.
My best guess is that he'll be doing time somewhere.
Does anyone know if she's really going with Sean Hannity?
I'm intrigued.
Any "news" is good "news". All that fits, and all that stuff.
Let me know what you find.
Here's for starters.......
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/ar...for_longevity/

btw, anyone know anything about Barbara Bush and Fabio?

pass the butter

[Downthestretch55]

Holy cow! Holy something!
Say it ain't so Jerry!
For sure, I've been fooled by "Lola" before, but just tell me Mr Falwell, Liberty University guy, Rev Jerry Falwell...
puleezzze tell me there's no truth behind the "talk" about you and Boy George.
Golly! Holy cow!
I thought you could have done better.
Boy George was picking up trash as "community service" a few weeks ago.
Not that his sins shouldn't go unpunished, and he sure sings some hot ones, if ya know what I mean. Sure, he still looks good, even in that orange suit.
Just let me know that it ain't so.
Really, Jerry F. ??? Boy George???
You've gotta be kiddin'!!
I hope there's no truth to this!
I'm outraged!

pass the collection plate

[Cajungator26]

Gosh, hate to interrupt the "conversation" going on here, but I just had to.

[Downthestretch55]

Originally Posted by Cajungator26

Gosh, hate to interrupt the "conversation" going on here, but I just had to.

Cajun,
Do you have some "juicey" to contribute to the tabloid thread?

Pass the water, we're all a bit thirsty.

[Downthestretch55]

Looks like Joe Lieberman is switching political parties.
Wonder what Laura did to bring this about. Could she? Did she?
I'll be looking for the answers.
Eww! I get the "creeps" just thinking about the "sacrifices" that have been made. And I mean MADE!
Tell me it ain't so.
Did it start with the extra time spent slurpin' raw clams at that seafood joint?
Ya know, Momma Lou's Sushi, Clams and Oysters.
Who would've thought this turn of events started on a half shell?
Crack 'em open, slurp, slurp.
Laura, I can't really blame ya. I know you wake up every morning trying to get the loser over the line, anyway you can.
Heck, you even taught him how to read children's books.
Just tell me it ain't so, Laura. You always seemed like the sweet one.

pass the lemon

[Downthestretch55]

There's good news and bad news.
Laura wasn't beaten for showing her loyalty.
That's the good news.
As regards waking up tomorrow morning in the same "king sized" bed in the upper chambers of the White House, not certain about that at all.
Perhaps someone will be showing up in Crawford to make acquaintances with his favorite ewe in the very near future.
That's the bad news for Ms Bah bah. If this is true at all.
I doubt that it is.
I'd never make such a claim.
I won't even assert that the "honeymoon" will happen on a "swift boat" somewhere. It probably won't. Fleecy moon over the bay, NOT!

I just hope these two work it all out to the very best out cum.

pass the lamb chops, mint jelly too!

[Downthestretch55]

What the heck is going on?
Does anyone know anything about Karl (I make up stories) Rove and Helen (I ask hard, hard questions)Thomas?
Are there any truthful answers here?
Can we follow Karl's lead and make up ficticious stories or is Helen really going to get the lickin' she so richly deserves?
Let's just spread 'em wide and savor the deliciousness of the sudden, (OH! OH!, More!) moment.
If anyone can cum up with the skinny (or fat) on Karl and Helen, I'd sure like to know.
Let's be truthful here.

pass the ketsup

[Downthestretch55]

It's a slow day today. S - L - O - W ....

But some of you might be interested in the subject of telephone poles.
If you are, you'll have to read this article.

http://www.contracostatimes.com/mld/...a/16007904.htm

Speaking of phones, does anyone know the 900 number that Elton John is alleged to be calling and breathing heavily into his receiver?
Is it really Richard Simmons on the other end of the "line"?
If you get the "skinny" on this, let us know....and not too slow.

pass the ringer

[Downthestretch55]

In the news...OJ (if I did it) Simpson, will be saying how he would do it if he did it. The 3.5 million book deal could've figured.

http://people.aol.com/people/article...559687,00.html

Be very careful Miss Piggy. Very careful. This guy knows about pig skin.
I'd hate to see you show up in an Oscar Meyer wrapper.

pass the football.