Anybody hear any good jokes lately?

[Arletta]

1505223_561653580578797_1388097291_n.jpg

[herkhorse]

for geeker:



Two men are

sitting at the bar at the top of the Empire State Building
drinking, when the

first man turns to the other one and says: "You
know, last week I discovered

that if you jump from the top of this
building, by the time you fall to the

10th floor, the wind around the
building is so intense that it carries you

around the building and
back into the window."

The bartender just

shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the
bar, but says nothing. The

second guy says, "What? Are you insane?
There's no way in heck that could

happen!"

"No, it's true," said the first man, "let me prove it to

you."

He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets

toward
the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind

whips
him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and

he
takes the elevator back up to the bar. He meets the second man, who

is
astonished.

"You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that

must've been a
one-time fluke. That was scientifically

impossible!"

"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he

jumps. Again,
just as his body hurtles towards the street, the 10th

floor wind
gently carries him around the building and into the window.

He takes
the elevator back to the bar. Once upstairs, he successfully urges

his
dubious fellow drinker to try it.

"Well, what the heck," the

second guy says, "I've seen that it works,
so I'll try it!"

He

immediately jumps over the balcony - plunges downward - rapidly
passes the

11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors his body hits the sidewalk with
a loud

"splat."

Back upstairs, the bartender who had been silent the whole time

turns to the first drinker, and shakes his head. He says, "You

know, Superman, you're a real as$hole when you're drunk."

[TheSpyder]

Excellent

Originally Posted by herkhorse

for geeker:



Two men are

sitting at the bar at the top of the Empire State Building
drinking, when the

first man turns to the other one and says: "You
know, last week I discovered

that if you jump from the top of this
building, by the time you fall to the

10th floor, the wind around the
building is so intense that it carries you

around the building and
back into the window."

The bartender just

shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the
bar, but says nothing. The

second guy says, "What? Are you insane?
There's no way in heck that could

happen!"

"No, it's true," said the first man, "let me prove it to

you."

He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets

toward
the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind

whips
him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and

he
takes the elevator back up to the bar. He meets the second man, who

is
astonished.

"You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that

must've been a
one-time fluke. That was scientifically

impossible!"

"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he

jumps. Again,
just as his body hurtles towards the street, the 10th

floor wind
gently carries him around the building and into the window.

He takes
the elevator back to the bar. Once upstairs, he successfully urges

his
dubious fellow drinker to try it.

"Well, what the heck," the

second guy says, "I've seen that it works,
so I'll try it!"

He

immediately jumps over the balcony - plunges downward - rapidly
passes the

11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors his body hits the sidewalk with
a loud

"splat."

Back upstairs, the bartender who had been silent the whole time

turns to the first drinker, and shakes his head. He says, "You

know, Superman, you're a real as$hole when you're drunk."

[geeker2]

Originally Posted by TheSpyder

Excellent

Yes thank you Herk

[TheSpyder]

bump

Originally Posted by AeWingnut

First Grade Drawing - PRICELESS!

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for her homework assignment.







The teacher graded it and the child brought it home.

She returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be perfectly clear on my child's homework illustration.
It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money.
I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.


This drawing is of me selling a shovel.


Sincerely,


Mrs. Harrington

[bigrun]

Mrs Brown's sticky situation




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjJc8...ature=youtu.be

[bigrun]

fish not biting.jpg

[Arletta]

1525113_680676971982619_937975101_n.jpg

[Arletta]

1016235_799258990088769_176181102_n.jpg



1511313_621224314592026_952334777_n.jpg

[Arletta]

Ultimate (blech) dog tease

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw

[OldDog]

Originally Posted by Arletta

Ultimate (blech) dog tease

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw

I never get tired of that one.

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by Arletta

Ultimate (blech) dog tease

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw

Great...sent it to my dog loving family members..

[declansharbor]

Ruben Amaro Jr.

[bigrun]

A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light,
Cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard.

The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave. Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house.
They don't want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while
The husband goes back in. The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit.

The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband
Will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a
Coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked.
I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

The cab driver hit a parked car.

[bigrun]

Largest Drug Bust In Arizona History

A News Report Stated That Police Have Raided A House And Discovered A Room
Containing 2 Tons of Crack.




ariz crack.jpg

The arresting Officers are undergoing counseling...

[Mike A]

What's the difference between a women and a terrorist?


You can negotiate with a terrorist

[casp0555]

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what is wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There is nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?' 'There's something wrong with my d*ck', he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ' 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.' The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??' 'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?' 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter... Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose.

[mclem0822]

Here is one that has gotten some chuckles.

This preacher was visiting an elderly parishioner. She invites him in, and sitting on the counter he notices a big bowl of peanuts. He says excuse me ma'am, would you mind if I had some peanuts? She says sure, help yourself. So they sit down and chat for an hour, or hour and a half and as he gets ready to leave he discovers he has eaten the entire bowl of peanuts. He says, I am so sorry I have eaten all the peanuts. She says " Oh that's ok, since I have lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off them"

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by mclem0822

Here is one that has gotten some chuckles.

This preacher was visiting an elderly parishioner. She invites him in, and sitting on the counter he notices a big bowl of peanuts. He says excuse me ma'am, would you mind if I had some peanuts? She says sure, help yourself. So they sit down and chat for an hour, or hour and a half and as he gets ready to leave he discovers he has eaten the entire bowl of peanuts. He says, I am so sorry I have eaten all the peanuts. She says " Oh that's ok, since I have lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off them"

Have you seen this card shark..

Did you really think that you had seen most forms of cheating at card games.


http://ourlighterside.com/wp-content...rd_game_01.gif

Always good to have an Ace in the hole!!!!!!

[mclem0822]

Originally Posted by bigrun

Have you seen this card shark..

Did you really think that you had seen most forms of cheating at card games.


http://ourlighterside.com/wp-content...rd_game_01.gif

Always good to have an Ace in the hole!!!!!!

LOL