Jokes To Offend Everyone

[magic_idol]

1. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.<FONT face=Arial><SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">

[SentToStud]

Here's a very old one, hopefully suitably offensive....


A husband arrives home. His wife is standing right there when he opens the front door. The husband is carrying a duck.

Wife: What's with the duck?

Husband: This is the dog I've been having sex with.

Wife: That's not a dog, that's a duck.

Husband: I wasn't speaking to you.

[2 Dollar Bill]

A jackie the joke man joke...

A good news/ bad news joke...

A wife tells her husband..."" I have some good news and bad news""
She says.... "" You have a bigger (package) then your brother has ""

[hi_im_god]

Because she was a woman.

[magic_idol]

33. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

[brianwspencer]

Originally Posted by Bababooyee

A little girl walks in on her mother having a shower and asks, “Mommy, what's that?” The mother says, “Oh, that's a vagina, sweetie.” The girl asks, “When do i get one?” The mother says, “You already have one, silly.”

Later, the little girl walks in on her dad having a shower. She asks, “Daddy, what's that?” “Oh, that's a penis,” replies the dad. She asks, "When do i get one?"

“About 10 minutes after your mom leaves.”

BEST JOKE EVER.

[Grits]

Oh damn, that is vile, that is sick.................damn that's bad.

[GenuineRisk]

Man asks his coworker, Steve, what his secret with women is. Steve says, "While she's undressing in the other room, I take out my d*ck and I hit it against the dresser until it goes numb. Keeps me stiff for hours and hours."

Man goes home and waits for his wife to arrive, figuring he'll surprise her with a marathon afternoon delite. Hears his wife come in and go into the bathroom. Pulls out his d*ck and starts hitting it against the dresser. From the bathroom, his wife says, "Steve? Is that you?"

[Grits]

Originally Posted by Bababooyee

Mission accomplished.

Your joke was hilarious!!!!!!! I've heard worse, and told worse. Yours was a gem.

[GPK]

Chinese tortures

A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house.
Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything
quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

[hi_im_god]

Surpised it went this long w/o a mention. I tried to download the southpark version yesterday but the file is too big so...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKGuh44_LBc

I think the presence of the baby is what makes this version so good.

[magic_idol]

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

[dellinger63]

What's the first thing an abused wife does when she returns from the shelter?

The dishes.....

[magic_idol]

>>>>> THE HORTH WHITHPERER
>>>>>
>>>>> Bob calls his buddy Sam, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a
>>>>> friend over to look at a horse.
>>>>> Sam asks "How will I recognize him?"
>>>>> That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."
>>>>> So, the midget shows up, and Sam asks him if he's looking for a male
>>>>> or female horse.
>>>>> "A female horth."
>>>>> So he shows him a prized filly.
>>>>> "Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
>>>>> Sam picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
>>>>> "Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"? So he picks the little fella up
>>>>> again, and shows him the horse's ears.
>>>>> "Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?
>>>>> The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks
>>>>> him
>>>>> up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
>>>>> "Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?
>>>>> Totally mad at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and
>>>>> rams
>>>>> the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out
>>>>> and
>>>>> slams him on the ground.
>>>>> The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. "Perhapth I should
>>>>> rephrase
>>>>> that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit."
>>>>>
>

[brianwspencer]

Fine work Idol!

[GenuineRisk]

All right-- you said they were supposed to be offensive and Bababooyee already crossed this particular taboo earlier(props, B! Mad props!):

What's the worst part about having sex with a five-year-old?

Getting the blood out of the clown suit.