New Men's Rules

[Storm Cadet]

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit,
it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules "
From the female side .


Now here are the rules from the male side .
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one :
Subtle hints do not work !
Strong hints do not work !
Obvious hints do not work !
Just say it!

1 Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriendsare for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument
In fact , all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won 't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, You probably are .
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "n othing," We wi ll act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS , the shotgun formation,
or BASKETBALL.



1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

to give them a bigger laugh

[timmgirvan]

Storm Cadet: "Wisdom for the Ages" LOL!...Looking back on 34 yrs with the wife and seeing your "rules" just kept me shaking my head! Kudos!

I will refrain from endorsing any of these out of pure and simple fear.
I will offer a slight alteration of the following "one".

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "n othing," We wi ll act like nothing's wrong.


In my experience asking what is wrong illicits the comment,
"You should know."

And of course I dont have a clue as to what I have done wrong or what someone else did wrong, if God did my wife wrong... And if I try to guess what is wrong it is inevitable I will be incorrect. Yet if I dont try to guess what is wrong I am declared unable to emphathize.

So I just ask to be punched in the face.

[Storm Cadet]

Originally Posted by timmgirvan

Storm Cadet: "Wisdom for the Ages" LOL!...Looking back on 34 yrs with the wife and seeing your "rules" just kept me shaking my head! Kudos!

I shake my head that I've been married 27 years! What the hell was I thinking?