What Mortimer Did For Me

[Late Fires]

It appears that I might be late to his going away party, but I wanted to pay tribute nonetheless. This is, of course, completely original work.

The retirement of internet horsey board heroes always marks a milestone of some kind for lurkers and HOs alike. Whether the poster in question grabbed the admirer with flashy good looks or with pleasurable recall of posts gone by, the end of a career invariably produces a flood of memories or mental snapshots of particular posts.

The end of Mortimer’s posting career especially resonates given what has transpired in my own horsey board-related life since the start of his brilliant run. On a snowy Saturday morning in the Unsnowy Woods in March 2007, I joined a horsey board called "The Nerdy Trail" with the Thistleydowns meet set to spring into high gear.

Right off the bat, I devoured dozens of mortimerdexterfoxworthy posts, with each reading only serving to fuel greater passion and devotion to a poster that seemed to suit my personality and peccadilloes perfectly.

I was certain that my chance to achieve anything as a horsey board participant had long since passed me by. But with the advent of Nerdy Trail, interpreting unfolding horsey board dramas felt like a great way to retrieve the enjoyment I had experienced in Junior High.

While my initial posts were modest and missed their mark, a feature written by mortimerdexterfoxworthy would ultimately change my entire life. “Well Now" was posted after a quiet weekend in racing with little to offer the many members that could not hear the music. mortimerdexterfoxworthy had been posting steadily, and there were several things about him that caught my admitted neophyte eye.

The thought that mortimerdexterfoxworthy could win the war against TrueSwine or be successful in the troika of sophomore classic posts (“This is Me”, “This is This,” “This is this and Me”), came with a concern that I could very well be hopelessly wrong.

His performance in “Petition to let Morty back in the other rooms” was heartening as he demonstrated an uncommon gameness re-rallying at the end of the thread after appearing finished setting the pace through 500 posts.

Without a laptop, keeping track of all of Mortimer’s doings was a challenge. After working all day, I would walk uphill both ways to my mother’s basement (to hide from the sun and other posters) and use a dial up connection to read Mortimer’s posts. One of my last assessments was an analysis of Mortimer addressing his potential based on pedigree, style and value:

"The hero in these quarters for months, Mortimer seems on the verge of harnessing his headstrong nature at precisely the right moment. As long as the moderators remain sensible, Mortimer can be in prominent view in every Nerdy Trail room. We expect a bored finish at worst, and a history maker at best."

I read “Saratoga Urinal” in my mom’s basement (as usual). The thread unfolded thrillingly, and when they reached the top of page 10, Mortimer had every chance to win. By the time they started threatening lawsuits, the tears had started to well in my eyes.

Aside from many vaporizings, something much more meaningful came in for me with Mortimer that day. I realized with each step "The Predator" took down the Nerdy Trail, that I had found something I thought was lost long ago for myself and my future. His win validated my hope that I might still find a niche in horsey boards through a man that rewards confidence in one's own opinion about TrueSwine like few others can.

Mortimer’s success changed the lives of Hossy, Thebby and UnclyTrust; the fortunes of HOs everywhere; and countless fans of Mortimer. And given the wondrous things that have happened for me during the breadth of his career, inexorably, my own. For that, my appreciation of Mortimer will never wane.