here it goes...

[jcs11204]

i am 23 years old.... i have 2 sons, 4 1/2 and 10 months old, there names are dominick and christian.... 1/12/04 and 8/13/07 are the bdays....
me and my x fiance had been together since 12 grade year of high school, she got pregnent right after and we stayed together and tryed making it work. no reasson to lie, we were not that close and if she did not get pregnent we would have more then likely never stayed together. on 1/12/08, my oldest sons birthday, she decided to end things, after 5 1/2 years. we agreed that i would stay living there to help with the kids, but i knew that was a impossible idea, and less then a month later i was gone. so now it has been almost 6 months, and it really hurts and sucks, i never thought i could care about anyone as much as i do her, and at this point i have no clue whats going to happen with us. one day she hates me, the next she is willing to work on things, i call her way to much... she says i push her away, then i stop and she gets mad that i dont call... i went from seeing my sons, everyday to now, maybe 2-3 times a week if i am lucky... that hurts bad. she says some mean things to me, things i could never imagine her saying, and she sometimes seems like shes totally done with me... she has changed so much in 6 months, she went from only wanting a family and only caring about me and the boys to what she is now.... she leaves are sons at home with her mom 2-3 times a week and goes out, shes drinking a little, and just making some bad decisions, including listening to hardcore rap music. its like the girl i loved for 5 years just hates me and has totally changed and i am having a real hard time dealing with it, honestly the only time i dont think about her is when i am at otb, even if im losing it just seems to relax me. still to this day i dont know the really reasson why we broke up, she is not the type to mess around, i know thats not it....she tells me it is lots of different reassons, and i just cant figure out how i should play it, i dont know if i should just back off, i am affraid if i do back off, that i will lose her forever... i dont know what to do