Why I love skiing

[philcski]

My offseason workout:

1. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour.
Afterwards, burn two $50 bills to warm up.
2. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice twenty times in your ski boots carrying a pair of skis, snowboard, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you're looking for your car.
3. To prepare your feet for ski boots, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a c-clamp around your toes.
4. Buy a nice pair of new gloves and immediately throw one away.
5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
6. Drive slowly for five hours...anywhere...as long as it's in a snowstorm following an eighteenwheeler without chains.
7. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. You'll almost feel like your skiing in front of a snowmaking machine.
8. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $10 for a hamburger. Be sure to stand in the longest line.
9. Dress up in as many clothes as possible and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom, then again because it's you're turn to race.
10. Repeat all the above every Saturday and Sunday