Letter to a brother lost

[GPK]

Ed,

Dude...I don't even know where to begin. I can't believe you're gone. This cavernous void inside me aches only like losing a loved one can. I feel a bit guilty for being so full of anger and rage over these past 9 months, meanwhile you're steadily proclaiming to anyone that will listen that you're gonna be ok and beat this, even as you were being eaten alive inside. Hell, you just told me less than 1 week ago you were still gonna beat it. You were steadfast in your courage and belief. Physically, it may have reduced you to just a shell of your former self, but emotionally and spiritually you remained a giant until the very end. I wasn't there for your last breaths, but I was told it was very peaceful...just how you told me you wanted it to be.

Mom and Dad aren't taking this too well, as you can imagine. Who ever expects to bury one of their children? Mike is beyond devastated and Joni is just heartbroken. Me? A big part of me was still just enraged beyond belief that cancer has taken you at such a young age, but a big chunk of that anger melted away when I walked in and saw you laying there peacefully and pain free. I tried to stay strong like I promised you I would, but I lost it for a while

Between the people I talked to last week and the ones I was able to see tonight, you can leave this earth with your head held high, knowing that you made a difference in the lives of many people. Clearly, your smile was infectious and your love was contagious.

I promise to keep an eye on Christine. You did a great job in helping to raise her and you have played a huge part in shaping and molding her into the wonderful young woman she is today.

I don't know if this feeling of emptiness will ever go away. I can't imagine that it will be. None of this feels real though. I keep thinking I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and go see you at the hospital again...

Thank you. Thank you for being an amazing person and an even better brother. I will forever carry you in my heart.

I love you and miss you already.

Little Brother.