Tampa Beetches

[-BT-]

Heels and I both flew out of DC together on Wednesday, went to Hogan’s Beach bar, where we were told by the locals that the food was horrible and the place would probably be shut down before years end, this was mentioned to us AFTER we ate the food mind you, got a photo op with jimmy “the mouth of the south” hart. From there we went and checked in at the hotel, which was only 9 miles from the track, very convenient, went across the street to a billiards bar, tied one on there, called it a night.
Thursday Kings gets in early, settle on being the first ones in BW3’s at exactly 11AM, I pay for overpriced cigars and we’re Off to the track, no Rude, no Bigs, no j’ville boys. Bigs lets us use his box, no exacta bob on thurs, the early pick4 goes Ness-Less and it pays a whopping $84, “I’m rich bitch!” limited time in the grunder bar b/c we had to head downtown for the b’s/bolts game. Shocker, there’s a **** ton of B’s fan, annoying amount, think Sawx of hawkey, surprisingly tough to get a ticket, we end up having to buy nose bleeds for $50 each. The talent is amazing downtown, though they’re all paired up with affliction wearing tight jean tools, just to give you an idea, the ugliest girls down there, were the ones handing out 2 for 1 stripper coupons. Awesome atmosphere just outside of the stadium, like beers and food vendors before you go in. We get in and I’m almost at the angry drunk stage, and I starting spouting off at the mouth (louder than I should) how I can’t believe this f*cking hockey hot bed in Tampa, FL has a Stanley cup, I get more than my fair share of looks so I put a sock in it, I think I was just bowing my chest b/c I knew I had a flyers fan (kings) with me. We end up parking right underneath the organist,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A65QFlXHyBw
since one of the endzone’s is standing room, and it’s like we were at the bawstan gawdans, everyone with their (colton) Orr, Lucic, shirts, etc.., the B’s score quick, and midway through the first I realize that I hate both teams, and wish this was the old nhl and the game would end up in a tie so I could call both sets of fans, losers (sounded like a good idea at the time). Kings & Heels learn all about the glories that is crossfit in the Tampa Area, I abstain from conversation an proceed to pound some beers and do a lap on the upper deck, the Bolt’s wall of fame caught my eye, legends like Chris Gratton, and the great Dino Ciccerelli don these walls, nothing but the best. Just before the 3rd I get 2 molson 24 oz. can Canadians, the bartender says $27.xy I almost thought it was a good idea to start sobering up, but I didn’t. I proceeded to hand this women money, and each time I gave her a bill she said it wasn’t enough, I literally thought someone had a gun in my hip and was robbing me, time to go. We leave the stadium and realize there are people in lawn chairs just outside, wtf is this? The bolts actually broadcast the game right outside the stadium via projection on some adjacent building wall, wtf is right, I could have saved $100 and watched the game with these jamokes out here was my thought exactly. Dinner….. wtf……dinner, ok, so these jackyls (Heels and Kings) get the idea that a diner is the way to go for dinner, wash diner food down with all the alcohol we consumed all day, good idea right? I regret exiting the car, any good diner should be popping, if it’s good, this diner had maybe 3 people in it, 2 of which I thought were dead. So, naturally we get Flo the diner café waitress, the menu……I was starving, yet absolutely nothing looked appealing from an appetite of health code standpoint, I settle on the egg sandwich. The whole time waiting for the meal I’m cussing these two, the meal comes out, Kings immediately recognizes his meal is covered in chili, “man, guess it wasn’t such a good idea to order chili in a place like this huh?” he enjoys it, moves onto fries. This is where it gets interesting, the diner doesn’t have HEINZ ketchup, this angers Kings, “excuse me, ma’am, do you have any Heinz ketchup”…. “no, why” …. “well, my wife works for Heinz”….. “so?” i can’t stop laughing, off to the bathroom, ate ¼ of my sandwich, and continued to curse them both out on the way home, to the bar. Have a few more at the bar near the hotel, realize we don’t have racing forms for tomorrow.

On the next episode of Tampa Beetches…… -BT- get’s stuck in a bush, it takes 30 minutes for fast food bbq…….exacta bob in the house, I proceed to tell kings how much i loath everything that is Pittsburgh


-bt-