Celeb Matches

[Downthestretch55]

Naomi, Naomi, Naomi...
Looking demure in her grey dress with the bow today, looks like she could be close to a "deal".
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599...9-1702,00.html
Now, if the beauty Ms Cambell really does hook up with Mr Bobby Knight, watch for all kinds of things to fly though the air. Chairs, phones???
I'm guessin' even the goldfish won't be safe. The poodle will be taking his chances hiding under the sofa.

pass the "hot" sauce...tie everything else down.

[Downthestretch55]

Naughty beauty queens...OOOPS!
Let's match em with those that would appreciate.
http://dir.salon.com/story/people/sa...als/index.html

pass the nekid Barbie

[Downthestretch55]

Jacko (The Thrilla) seems to have fallen "flat on his face" (what ever happened to that?) in London last night. My guess is that he'll be in negotiations with the Walmart Smiley Guy for a face transplant soon.

http://music.guardian.co.uk/pop/stor...949552,00.html

Coming soon is a real comic match up. Rumors haven't been confirmed but it seems that Planter's "Mr. Peanut" has been seen in the parlor with Miss Betty
Boop. Boo Boop E Doop!

Pass the lipstick and mascara.

[Downthestretch55]

Now that Pope Benedict is thinking about marriage, I wonder who the likely "nun" will be. This little story might make some good juice.
Do you think Madonna will leave Kabala to be by his side? What's to become of Guy and the new baby David?
His time seems to be running out. Not much more time to sew those wild oats, if ya know what I'm sayin'.
Or maybe Pope B has eyes for Theresa Heinze (John Kerry's current). Hey, they speak the same language after all.
Stay tuned... this could be a reason to show up at Mass.
http://today.reuters.com/news/articl...1-ArticlePage2

Pass the bread

[Downthestretch55]

Speaking of nuns, it looks like Robert Brown, Deputy US Attorney in Denver, has been exchanging words with three sisters lately.
I'll pray for Robert Brown as well.

http://www.commondreams.org/views06/1116-24.htm

pass the "canned goods"

[Downthestretch55]

Big party coming! No way of really knowing since I wasn't invited.
Just that it seems that the location will be in the lower chambers, you know... downstairs.
Seems like the party will be a way for Dem and Repub leaders to get to know each other.
Is it true that Teddy K will be making the first fifteen toasts?
Is Kay Bailey H really going to let him drive her home?
Ya best buckle up and practice your breast stroke.
Breast strokes are ok with me, but Kay Babe, you might want to think about this before getting in beside him. Mary Jo K learned the hard way.
Hope that he makes the Patomic bridge, and if he doesn't, you can bet he knows how to swim, even after twenty tequila shots.
Hope you can too Kay Babe. Once ya hit the water, you're on your own.
Cheers!

pass a life ring

[Downthestretch55]

Jessica???
What are you thinking?????
Are you really going to dump me for that Tony guy???
Why couldn't you just call me and tell me???
Did I really need to find this on the internet?
What are you thinking, Biatch?
Yeah, I'm devastated Jess babe, and I'll forgive you and take you back.
You have lots of 'splainin' to do.
What IS this, Jess? Over?
Did I need to find out like this????

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/200...scene/?cnn=yes

pass the pimple cream (to the "heart-breaker)
UHHH!

[timmgirvan]

DTS: Ted Casablanca has nothing to worry about!

[Downthestretch55]

Tomkat news...
Oprah out, Brooke in...

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au...9-2703,00.html

Make sure you put the lifts in your shoes Tom.
Good luck Katie.
Brooke...pass the anti-depressants

[Downthestretch55]

Kirstie Alley deserves a donut or four for trimming herself down from 219 to 164. Though my guess is that she's way past the "Cheers" looker days, seems that Denny Hastert isn't having a problem climbing into the "hot tub" with her. Talk about a "hot tub"!
Denny H's only complaint is that she should go back to shaving her legs.
He's not pushing her to do the armpits yet, as their relationship is "new".
His words were that those legs looked like the Great Barrier Reef with the seaweed undulating under the bubbles.
Kirstie, find the razor..ya hot tubbie girl.

http://people.aol.com/people/gallery...144532,00.html

pass the nair

[Downthestretch55]

I couldn't possibly make this up.
Mike Tyson and Heidi Fleiss have joined forces.
"Bad Boy" Mike will be in the employ of Heidi at her stud farm in Nevada.
http://www.13thround.com/richb11_17.htm

Today's match is Mike Tyson and any babe with the bucks for his "services".
Ear chewing is extra. Ladies, remove your earrings first, please. His teeth are in sorry shape.

Where's Buster Douglas when we need him?

pass the whipped cream and ear wax.

[Downthestretch55]

Now that Tom and Kate are setting the world afire in Italy with their 2.5 million wedding extravaganza, speculation about their pre-nup that Kate's dad wrote are all over the place.
http://today.reuters.com/news/articl...1-ArticlePage3

The question remains..."Where are they going on their honeymoon?"
The "buzz" is that there are down to two choices, and the Paparazzi are booking flights and taking their chances.
Looks like 73% are headed to Newark, NJ. 27% are booking to Des Moines, Iowa.
So, either way, wave to them as their motorcade "cruises" past.

pass either the fried chicken or the corn-on-the-cob.

[Downthestretch55]

Looks like Rupe is in the soup...
Sure, we know that he's had the hots for Judith Regan since she got over her "abuse issues" and brought OJ's interview his way.
Hey, anything for ratings, right? Foxx shows desperation in this love fest.
Seems like this won't be a manage a trois, but rather a manage a quatre,
Rupert M, Bill O'Reilly, Geraldo Rivera, and the lovely Judith R.
They're fightin' over her!
Who gets sloppy seconds? Nasty thirds?
I can't hazzard a guess, but when the dvd comes out, it sure will boost Foxx's fortunes. Not much else has lately.

http://www.nydailynews.com/front/sto...p-397610c.html

pass the pop corn. Judith, you might need to buy a few extra condoms.
EWW!

[Downthestretch55]

Now that the white smoke has appeared at the top of the castle announcing, not a new pope, but a new "union", seems that all that jumpin' on Oprah's couch should've been recognized. Tommy, didn't she tell ya how to bell the Kat? Why the snub? Didn't ya want her to send ya some nice new pots and pans as your wedding gift? Did you want some of those "pot holders" instead?
http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?NewsID=1064860

Best of luck to both newlyweds. Kate, you might need to watch your "language". Rose petals won't cover them.
Is it Newark or Des Moines?
Many have booked their flights and time is limited for cancellations.
Kate, is it true that tonight's "outfit" includes elbow length black gloves and
black fishnets? What's with the leather chaps?

Anyway, have fun "lovers". Oprah will forgive after a while. You probably will cook something up with out her anyway.
Is this going to be a private release again, or a firster for the "new" United Artists?

pass the caviar

[Downthestretch55]

Christie and Peter are apart.
Peter, take the 25 million and the 19yo...
Hey, something doesn't land in your lap (excuse the pun) too often.
Christie, now that you're making the rounds, I hope you find the right guy.
You're still a beauty despite what Peter did to your self-esteem.
Since Jessica dumped me, I've been going through similar issues.
Maybe we could work out together sometime.

http://www.nationalenquirer.com/celebrity/63707

pass the smiles

[Downthestretch55]

Charlie Crist and Jeb Bush....hmmmmmm..

I'm not saying that Jeb isn't "pretty". Heck, when he puts on the white wig and that size 28 flowered print dress, he kinda looks a lot like mommy Barbara.
Maybe a bit prettier.
So when Charlie's "orientation" was called into question, guess who came to the defense? Well, you just have to read it.
http://blogs.tampabay.com/buzz/2006/...y_time_in.html

pass the perfume

[Downthestretch55]

Kramer, Kramer, Kramer????
Are you really the Michael Richards that was so good on Seinfeld?
Do I comb my hair like you? Do I leave my shirt untucked?
Michael, you used to be someone I looked to for the "sanity".
Sure, the drive on the FDR putting down the highway cones was funny.
Sure, making George pay time after time was plenty good.
But, HEY! I had no idea. NONE!
You've got some 'splainin' to do buddy.
I'm matching you with Aretha Franklin. She'll be whuppin' your skinny bottom while singing her song...R-E-S-P-E-C-T !!!
Get it Michael?
Now bend over and accept the whuppin' you've earned with your racial comments.
http://www.playfuls.com/news_0003381...acist_Row.html

Pass the vasoline after you wipe some where ya sit

[Downthestretch55]

Good news!
During the stop over in Hawaii on the flight back from Viet Nam, Dubbya made a reunion with his long lost brother.
Seems that Laura was away for a quickie "hula lesson" (wink, wink), and lonely boy Dubbya had heard that the "brother we don't talk about" was living nearby. So, despite Bonzo's protests of meeting his presidential brother, the secret service was insistant. Bonzo wasn't happy at all, but after the photos were taken, the family resemblance couldn't be denied.
Many hugs were fondly exchanged by the long lost brothers at their parting.
So, today's match are the two brothers, one famous, one infamous.
Here are the photos:
http://www.bushorchimp.com/pics.html

pass the bananas

[Downthestretch55]

Kelly, Rosie and Clay

Well, Kelly Ripa, peroxide babe that you are, it seems that you over reacted about having Clay put his filthy hand over your botox lips. Was there really a need to "out" him? Did you think of all the housewife fans that lust for him?
Seems that a lot of hearts have been broken, by you Kelly.
Even Rosie thought you were out of line, and you know how credible she is!
So, today's celeb match is going to take place at the Motel Six, on Rt.4, just over the Geo Washington on the Jersey side.
Kelly, Rosie and Clay.
Rosie, bring your junk food. (LOTS)
Clay, bring your favorite beverage (wink).
And Kelly, if you're really looking to have a fun time, bring your vibrator.

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/a...611220391/1046

pass the batteries

[Downthestretch55]

Another great match came along today.
Seems that Barbara Bush (the twin daughter) had her purse snatched.
It was probably empty, cause we all know how tight daddy is, and he's empty too.
Anyway, the Secret Service that was given the task of protecting one of the "first daughters" let their knickers slip. My guess is that the guy needed to use the "Men's Room" after all the brewskies, but who knows...
Greg Pitts, head travel agent of the White House made plenty of sputterings.
Speaking of sputterings, the Honolulu Police Department's motorcycle "thrill team" deserves credit for their expert driving. They might have taken motor cycle riding lessons from Evil Kneival. "Where's the Snake River Canyon gonna end?" And "Where's the ripcord for my f'n parachute?"
So, another match for today, daughter Barbara (purseless), and Slick Fingered
Jack Abramoff...a match made in heaven, or the other place.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article...466680,00.html

pass a motorcycle to George Daddy Dubbya Bush, and three more to the Honolulu Police Dept...vrooom vrooom!