Tampa

[PatCummings]

Just to add, I've greatly enjoyed following this story over the last few days. Thanks for sharing.

[GPK]

Originally Posted by tiggerv

This is an amazing thread

As amazing as it is, it really does it no justice. To have lived and experienced it live is like nothing else. I'm still laughing at some of the sh*t days later.

[MaTH716]

It's finally time for Derby Lane. We all group up with a Tampa native and head out to Derby Lane. I do remember getting on the elevator at Tampa and as the doors were closing seeing BT yelling at the TV. We all crack up in the elevator. After a brief stop at Dicks sporting goods, (I had to buy souvenirs for the boys) where GPK chatted up a girl that worked there. Probably a good thing he went down in flames, because she was probably up about 7 weight classes from him. She would have crushed him if she got on top and if he tried to get on top, he would have needed a ladder. It was a lose lose situation for him. Bigs kindly calls up in the car to point out OZ on the other side of the road. After about a 20 minute ride, we finally reach the Taj Mahal for dog racing. Bigs graciously buys programs for us as we go inside. I am absolutely mezmerized on how big and how many people are there. Not to mention how nice the place seems. Unfortunately the skell count does seem to be on the high side (now you can add 10 more to that count). We catch up with the rest of the group and everyone is kind of doing their own thing for a bit. I vowed to myself, after getting killed on the horses the last 2 days, I wasn't betting any freakin dogs. I was there for the ride/expierence and will just enjoy my time.

Unfortunately for me, after being there for about 10 minutes we had a little bit of a problem. Actually it was more of a major situation as I felt like my colon was going to explode. Yup, you can add Derby Lane to the 2012 MaTH piss out of his ass Florida tour. Thankfully (and I thanked God several times) the bathrooms were actually clean. I honestly felt like I dropped 5 pounds after that purge and felt like a new man. I catch up with the group and back at Tampa Downs we were talking about food, Heels was carrying the torch. For the first time all trip I was actually hungry. I had only had a muffin and a hot dog all day, so I wanted to eat too. We decide to check out the restauraunt. They have a buffet that looks killer. A nice carving station, salad and most importantly crab legs. All 10 of us sit, it's myself, GPK, Herk, BT, Heels, Bigs, Rude, Sheets, Sheets dad, Golfer. So I go to the buffet to load up and I come back and 5 of them ditched to go back downstairs. So now it's me, GPK, BT, Heels and Herk. There is food piled high everywhere. I'm not sure if everyone was that hungry, or just trying to gorge themselves in the 45 minutes we had left until the buffet closed. It was probably a little of both. Crab legs, shrimp, steak it's literally like feeding time at the zoo. To make matters more interesting Herk, BT and Heels are trying to dope out a late pick 4 at the Fair Gounds with about 7 minutes to post. Herk is doing his best Dali-Lama/Rainman bit, staring at the screen in a trance like state and then just blurting out random horses. Heels is trying to look at the form and eat at the same time. And if my memory serves me right, BT was just stuffing his face (like me). Finally they put a ticket together and run to the window as they are getting in the gate, only to find out that they only sell vouchers in the area that we're in. All the chaotic work for nothing. For the record I think they would have ended up 3/4. During this time I think GPK is betting Northfield, it seems like they are in the midst of a blizzard, but he is cashing tickets.

You'll never guess what happens next. My body must have instantly rejected all the food that I just ate. It was the first really big meal that I have had in a week. Thankfully the bathrooms in the club were even nicer than the bathrooms downstairs. I was in the can for quite a while. I ate so much seafood during the first sitting, that I was expecting to look down and see an aquarium in the bowl. So what do I do after leaving the bathroom? I go back and load up my plate again. I'm getting my $23 dollars worth. The table looks like an absolute bomb hit it. There's crablegs, shrimp peels, beer bottles, racing forms, dog forms everywhere. We finally finish and get ready to meet the others. I also decide to jump in and start playing the dogs a bit. We watch the dog race from the balcony and I look like a winnner the whole way around and of course get nailed at the wire. But now I have the bug (to go along with the bug that has made me s.hit everywhere since Tuesday). So I give the next race a good look and feel like I have a good handle on the race. There's one dog that seems to have a big class advantage. So I wheel him in exacta's and triple's and actually back wheel him with 2 other dogs on top in triples using the all button for show. We all reach a crossroads in our lives. This is when I reached mine, when I realized after getting killed on horses for the last 2 days (something I feel like I actually know) and vowing not to bet any of these mutts, looking down and see I have like $60 dollars worth of tickets bet on this one dog race. This is when I have my little heart to heart with Sheets, who is already looking at his bound copy of the form for tomorrow, circling every piece info on the page. I'm going to try steer the kid of this path, but of course he isn't hearing any of it. By this time, I'm sure child services will be waiting at his doorstep when they get home. Of course my dog runs second and one of the two other dogs I have on top don't win. $60 bucks on the dogs up in flames. Not to mention, that's not the only thing flaming as I'm about to s.hit for the hat trick at Derby Lane. After coming out of the bathroom again, I just make a few small action bets to be involved.

So the night is winding down and I decide that I'm going to see if I get any of the sharp clientele at Derby Lane to believe that BT is actually the guy from the hangover. So I must say it about 12 times around different people all within an earshot of BT. Finally BT had enough and explodes my way, it was actually pretty funny and as soon as he walked away, I said it again. But unfortunately we got no bites on it.
That was it, I said my goodbyes as I would be on the plane first thing in the morning. By this time it was about 11pm and I throw it out to GPK on the way to the car, about possibly going to the casino. I figure that since I have to be up in like 4 hours, that I might as well pull an all nighter. But he doesn't bite either, it's better off anyway. Because when I get back to the room, I do not pass go and go straight to the bathroom to tear it up once again. I pack up, get a few hours sleep and sneak off to the airport in the wee hours of the morning. I do visit the facilities at the lovely Tampa International before getting on my flight. For the most part the flight is fine, except for the large woman who keeps leaking into my seat. But I'm very happy to see my family, who's at the airport to pick me up. My wife informs me that since it's only 8:40 we are going to stop for breakfast on the way home and guess what, the boys want to go to IHOP .

[Heels1989]

Originally Posted by MaTH716

It's finally time for Derby Lane. We all group up with a Tampa native and head out to Derby Lane. I do remember getting on the elevator at Tampa and as the doors were closing seeing BT yelling at the TV. We all crack up in the elevator. After a brief stop at Dicks sporting goods, (I had to buy souvenirs
for the boys) where GPK chatted up a girl that worked there. Probably a good thing he went down in flames, because she was probably up about 7 weight classes from him. She would have crushed him if she got on top and if he tried to get on top, he would have needed a ladder. It was a lose lose situation for him. Bigs kindly calls up in the car to point out OZ on the other side of the road. After about a 20 minute ride, we finally reach the Taj Mahal for dog racing. Bigs graciously buys programs for us as we go inside. I am absolutely mezmerized on how big and how many people are there. Not to mention how nice the place seems. Unfortunately the skell count does seem to be on the high side (now you can add 10 more to that count). We catch up with the rest of the group and everyone is kind of doing their own thing for a bit. I vowed to myself, after getting killed on the horses the last 2 days, I wasn't betting any freakin dogs. I was there for the ride/expierence and will just enjoy my time.

Unfortunately for me, after being there for about 10 minutes we had a little bit of a problem. Actually it was more of a major situation as I felt like my colon was going to explode. Yup, you can add Derby Lane to the 2012 MaTH piss out of his ass Florida tour. Thankfully (and I thanked God several times) the bathrooms were actually clean. I honestly felt like I dropped 5 pounds after that purge and felt like a new man. I catch up with the group and back at Tampa Downs we were talking about food, Heels was carrying the torch. For the first time all trip I was actually hungry. I had only had a muffin and a hot dog all day, so I wanted to eat too. We decide to check out the restauraunt. They have a buffet that looks killer. A nice carving station, salad and most importantly crab legs. All 10 of us sit, it's myself, GPK, Herk, BT, Heels, Bigs, Rude, Sheets, Sheets dad, Golfer. So I go to the buffet to load up and I come back and 5 of them ditched to go back downstairs. So now it's me, GPK, BT, Heels and Herk. There is food piled high everywhere. I'm not sure if everyone was that hungry, or just trying to gorge themselves in the 45 minutes we had left until the buffet closed. It was probably a little of both. Crab legs, shrimp, steak it's literally like feeding time at the zoo. To make matters more interesting Herk, BT and Heels are trying to dope out a late pick 4 at the Fair Gounds with about 7 minutes to post. Herk is doing his best Dali-Lama/Rainman bit, staring at the screen in a trance like state and then just blurting out random horses. Heels is trying to look at the form and eat at the same time. And if my memory serves me right, BT was just stuffing his face (like me). Finally they put a ticket together and run to the window as they are getting in the gate, only to find out that they only sell vouchers in the area that we're in. All the chaotic work for nothing. For the record I think they would have ended up 3/4. During this time I think GPK is betting Northfield, it seems like they are in the midst of a blizzard, but he is cashing tickets.

You'll never guess what happens next. My body must have instantly rejected all the food that I just ate. It was the first really big meal that I have had in a week. Thankfully the bathrooms in the club were even nicer than the bathrooms downstairs. I was in the can for quite a while. I ate so much seafood during the first sitting, that I was expecting to look down and see an aquarium in the bowl. So what do I do after leaving the bathroom? I go back and load up my plate again. I'm getting my $23 dollars worth. The table looks like an absolute bomb hit it. There's crablegs, shrimp peels, beer bottles, racing forms, dog forms everywhere. We finally finish and get ready to meet the others. I also decide to jump in and start playing the dogs a bit. We watch the dog race from the balcony and I look like a winnner the whole way around and of course get nailed at the wire. But now I have the bug (to go along with the bug that has made me s.hit everywhere since Tuesday). So I give the next race a good look and feel like I have a good handle on the race. There's one dog that seems to have a big class advantage. So I wheel him in exacta's and triple's and actually back wheel him with 2 other dogs on top in triples using the all button for show. We all reach a crossroads in our lives. This is when I reached mine, when I realized after getting killed on horses for the last 2 days (something I feel like I actually know) and vowing not to bet any of these mutts, looking down and see I have like $60 dollars worth of tickets bet on this one dog race. This is when I have my little heart to heart with Sheets, who is already looking at his bound copy of the form for tomorrow, circling every piece info on the page. I'm going to try steer the kid of this path, but of course he isn't hearing any of it. By this time, I'm sure child services will be waiting at his doorstep when they get home. Of course my dog runs second and one of the two other dogs I have on top don't win. $60 bucks on the dogs up in flames. Not to mention, that's not the only thing flaming as I'm about to s.hit for the hat trick at Derby Lane. After coming out of the bathroom again, I just make a few small action bets to be involved.

So the night is winding down and I decide that I'm going to see if I get any of the sharp clientele at Derby Lane to believe that BT is actually the guy from the hangover. So I must say it about 12 times around different people all within an earshot of BT. Finally BT had enough and explodes my way, it was actually pretty funny and as soon as he walked away, I said it again. But unfortunately we got no bites on it.
That was it, I said my goodbyes as I would be on the plane first thing in the morning. By this time it was about 11pm and I throw it out to GPK on the way to the car, about possibly going to the casino. I figure that since I have to be up in like 4 hours, that I might as well pull an all nighter. But he doesn't bite either, it's better off anyway. Because when I get back to the room, I do not pass go and go straight to the bathroom to tear it up once again. I pack up, get a few hours sleep and sneak off to the airport in the wee hours of the morning. I do visit the facilities at the lovely Tampa International before getting on my flight. For the most part the flight is fine, except for the large woman who keeps leaking into my seat. But I'm very happy to see my family, who's at the airport to pick me up. My wife informs me that since it's only 8:40 we are going to stop for breakfast on the way home and guess what, the boys want to go to IHOP .

You can tell a story like no other.

[MaTH716]

Originally Posted by Heels1989

You can tell a story like no other.

Thanks Dave.
If anyone feels like I missed something feel free to add it.
Also, more importantly I have stumbled on to some video from Derby Lane. Working on getting it loaded up as we speak.

[Bigsmc]

To clarify the buffet ditching, the waiter told us there was only 20 minutes left and we didn't think we could do sufficient damage in those 20 minutes to warrant the $23.

Your table was already grazing. We figured you'd find us when you were done.

So, I bought a $3 hot dog and lost the $20 on the next race.

[golfer]

Originally Posted by MaTH716

Thanks Dave.
If anyone feels like I missed something feel free to add it.
Also, more importantly I have stumbled on to some video from Derby Lane. Working on getting it loaded up as we speak.

Bravo! That was spectacular. The only thing you missed was Saturday! Beginning with morning glory with exacta and mrs bob, then a trip up to the roof to spend the 3rd race in the grinder booth (and kev doing his grinder impersonation for Richard), to gpk actually collecting a ticket! To me wanting to kill Guidry even more than Friday after his ride on swift warrior. And ending up back in grunder bar, for more show parlaying, and the "Dini phone call".

By the way, you did a super job of hiding your suffering

[OldDog]

This is the best thread I've read in . . .


forever!

[MaTH716]

You'll never guess what happens next. My body must have instantly rejected all the food that I just ate. It was the first really big meal that I have had in a week. Thankfully the bathrooms in the club were even nicer than the bathrooms downstairs. I was in the can for quite a while. I ate so much seafood during the first sitting, that I was expecting to look down and see an aquarium in the bowl. So what do I do after leaving the bathroom? I go back and load up my plate again. I'm getting my $23 dollars worth. The table looks like an absolute bomb hit it. There's crablegs, shrimp peels, beer bottles, racing forms, dog forms everywhere. We finally finish and get ready to meet the others. I also decide to jump in and start playing the dogs a bit. We watch the dog race from the balcony and I look like a winnner the whole way around and of course get nailed at the wire. But now I have the bug (to go along with the bug that has made me s.hit everywhere since Tuesday). So I give the next race a good look and feel like I have a good handle on the race. There's one dog that seems to have a big class advantage. So I wheel him in exacta's and triple's and actually back wheel him with 2 other dogs on top in triples using the all button for show. We all reach a crossroads in our lives. This is when I reached mine, when I realized after getting killed on horses for the last 2 days (something I feel like I actually know) and vowing not to bet any of these mutts, looking down and see I have like $60 dollars worth of tickets bet on this one dog race. This is when I have my little heart to heart with Sheets, who is already looking at his bound copy of the form for tomorrow, circling every piece info on the page. I'm going to try steer the kid of this path, but of course he isn't hearing any of it. By this time, I'm sure child services will be waiting at his doorstep when they get home. Of course my dog runs second and one of the two other dogs I have on top don't win. $60 bucks on the dogs up in flames. Not to mention, that's not the only thing flaming as I'm about to s.hit for the hat trick at Derby Lane. After coming out of the bathroom again, I just make a few small action bets to be involved.

Found the video. This is a microcosm of the whole trip.

http://s789.photobucket.com/albums/y...urrent=dog.mp4

[herkhorse]

10 star work Matt

5 days removed I keep remembering little gems from the trip. Friday we arrive at the track and I sit down next to Heels. All of a sudden he is in full out panic mode and starts frantically searching through his pockets. After a period of distress, he produces a crumpled up 2 inch square piece of paper that looks like something he ripped off the corner of the Sky Mall magazine. On it were his pick 4 picks for 3 or 4 tracks. I think Sheets could teach him a thing or two about his preparation, though I'm sure there was at least one signer on that little bugger.

[GPK]

Originally Posted by MaTH716

Found the video. This is a microcosm of the whole trip.

http://s789.photobucket.com/albums/y...urrent=dog.mp4

"Outside Pieces"

Matt at the end of the video "Wha da f*ck jus happened there?"

That quote defined the whole trip.

[Antitrust32]

Originally Posted by GPK

"Outside Pieces"

Matt at the end of the video "Wha da f*ck jus happened there?"

That quote defined the whole trip.

[Bigsmc]

Originally Posted by golfer

Bravo! That was spectacular. The only thing you missed was Saturday! Beginning with morning glory with exacta and mrs bob, then a trip up to the roof to spend the 3rd race in the grinder booth (and kev doing his grinder impersonation for Richard), to gpk actually collecting a ticket! To me wanting to kill Guidry even more than Friday after his ride on swift warrior. And ending up back in grunder bar, for more show parlaying, and the "Dini phone call".

By the way, you did a super job of hiding your suffering

You forgot gpk screaming like a prepubescent girl in Shea Stadium circa 1966 at Dean Butler as he was getting his pic taken in the winner's circle.

Deeeeaaaaanooooo!!!

Deeeeaaaaanooooo!!!

Deeeeaaaaanooooo!!!

Butler was mortified and refused to make eye contact as he was hand signaling the security guard in the circle to protect him from whatever was creating that screeching noise in the box area.

[golfer]

Originally Posted by Bigsmc

You forgot gpk screaming like a prepubescent girl in Shea Stadium circa 1966 at Dean Butler as he was getting his pic taken in the winner's circle.

Deeeeaaaaanooooo!!!

Deeeeaaaaanooooo!!!

Deeeeaaaaanooooo!!!

Butler was mortified and refused to make eye contact as he was hand signaling the security guard in the circle to protect him from whatever was creating that screeching noise in the box area.

Mine was a quick outline. I did forget the above occurrence, and your description bout sums it up.

[Bigsmc]

We may need to apologize to Steve Byk because I think we permanently scarred Seth Merrow's opinion of Derby Trail with that performance on Saturday.

I don't think he was there yet for the now infamous Bernie Butler $30 winner, but he got an eyeful (and an earful) in the Grunder Pub after the card.

[Antitrust32]

i'm such a dork.

My friend texts me today "is it true"

and I was so giddy to respond "yes it's true"

[TheSpyder]

Freak'n awesome, that is one hell of a story! What makes it even more ironic is that I started this thread excited about going myself, calling it a voyage exordinar, only to not go and live out your trip in my own bathroom for three days.

I amire you sir....I think.

Spyder

Originally Posted by MaTH716

It's finally time for Derby Lane. We all group up with a Tampa native and head out to Derby Lane. I do remember getting on the elevator at Tampa and as the doors were closing seeing BT yelling at the TV. We all crack up in the elevator. After a brief stop at Dicks sporting goods, (I had to buy souvenirs for the boys) where GPK chatted up a girl that worked there. Probably a good thing he went down in flames, because she was probably up about 7 weight classes from him. She would have crushed him if she got on top and if he tried to get on top, he would have needed a ladder. It was a lose lose situation for him. Bigs kindly calls up in the car to point out OZ on the other side of the road. After about a 20 minute ride, we finally reach the Taj Mahal for dog racing. Bigs graciously buys programs for us as we go inside. I am absolutely mezmerized on how big and how many people are there. Not to mention how nice the place seems. Unfortunately the skell count does seem to be on the high side (now you can add 10 more to that count). We catch up with the rest of the group and everyone is kind of doing their own thing for a bit. I vowed to myself, after getting killed on the horses the last 2 days, I wasn't betting any freakin dogs. I was there for the ride/expierence and will just enjoy my time.

Unfortunately for me, after being there for about 10 minutes we had a little bit of a problem. Actually it was more of a major situation as I felt like my colon was going to explode. Yup, you can add Derby Lane to the 2012 MaTH piss out of his ass Florida tour. Thankfully (and I thanked God several times) the bathrooms were actually clean. I honestly felt like I dropped 5 pounds after that purge and felt like a new man. I catch up with the group and back at Tampa Downs we were talking about food, Heels was carrying the torch. For the first time all trip I was actually hungry. I had only had a muffin and a hot dog all day, so I wanted to eat too. We decide to check out the restauraunt. They have a buffet that looks killer. A nice carving station, salad and most importantly crab legs. All 10 of us sit, it's myself, GPK, Herk, BT, Heels, Bigs, Rude, Sheets, Sheets dad, Golfer. So I go to the buffet to load up and I come back and 5 of them ditched to go back downstairs. So now it's me, GPK, BT, Heels and Herk. There is food piled high everywhere. I'm not sure if everyone was that hungry, or just trying to gorge themselves in the 45 minutes we had left until the buffet closed. It was probably a little of both. Crab legs, shrimp, steak it's literally like feeding time at the zoo. To make matters more interesting Herk, BT and Heels are trying to dope out a late pick 4 at the Fair Gounds with about 7 minutes to post. Herk is doing his best Dali-Lama/Rainman bit, staring at the screen in a trance like state and then just blurting out random horses. Heels is trying to look at the form and eat at the same time. And if my memory serves me right, BT was just stuffing his face (like me). Finally they put a ticket together and run to the window as they are getting in the gate, only to find out that they only sell vouchers in the area that we're in. All the chaotic work for nothing. For the record I think they would have ended up 3/4. During this time I think GPK is betting Northfield, it seems like they are in the midst of a blizzard, but he is cashing tickets.

You'll never guess what happens next. My body must have instantly rejected all the food that I just ate. It was the first really big meal that I have had in a week. Thankfully the bathrooms in the club were even nicer than the bathrooms downstairs. I was in the can for quite a while. I ate so much seafood during the first sitting, that I was expecting to look down and see an aquarium in the bowl. So what do I do after leaving the bathroom? I go back and load up my plate again. I'm getting my $23 dollars worth. The table looks like an absolute bomb hit it. There's crablegs, shrimp peels, beer bottles, racing forms, dog forms everywhere. We finally finish and get ready to meet the others. I also decide to jump in and start playing the dogs a bit. We watch the dog race from the balcony and I look like a winnner the whole way around and of course get nailed at the wire. But now I have the bug (to go along with the bug that has made me s.hit everywhere since Tuesday). So I give the next race a good look and feel like I have a good handle on the race. There's one dog that seems to have a big class advantage. So I wheel him in exacta's and triple's and actually back wheel him with 2 other dogs on top in triples using the all button for show. We all reach a crossroads in our lives. This is when I reached mine, when I realized after getting killed on horses for the last 2 days (something I feel like I actually know) and vowing not to bet any of these mutts, looking down and see I have like $60 dollars worth of tickets bet on this one dog race. This is when I have my little heart to heart with Sheets, who is already looking at his bound copy of the form for tomorrow, circling every piece info on the page. I'm going to try steer the kid of this path, but of course he isn't hearing any of it. By this time, I'm sure child services will be waiting at his doorstep when they get home. Of course my dog runs second and one of the two other dogs I have on top don't win. $60 bucks on the dogs up in flames. Not to mention, that's not the only thing flaming as I'm about to s.hit for the hat trick at Derby Lane. After coming out of the bathroom again, I just make a few small action bets to be involved.

So the night is winding down and I decide that I'm going to see if I get any of the sharp clientele at Derby Lane to believe that BT is actually the guy from the hangover. So I must say it about 12 times around different people all within an earshot of BT. Finally BT had enough and explodes my way, it was actually pretty funny and as soon as he walked away, I said it again. But unfortunately we got no bites on it.
That was it, I said my goodbyes as I would be on the plane first thing in the morning. By this time it was about 11pm and I throw it out to GPK on the way to the car, about possibly going to the casino. I figure that since I have to be up in like 4 hours, that I might as well pull an all nighter. But he doesn't bite either, it's better off anyway. Because when I get back to the room, I do not pass go and go straight to the bathroom to tear it up once again. I pack up, get a few hours sleep and sneak off to the airport in the wee hours of the morning. I do visit the facilities at the lovely Tampa International before getting on my flight. For the most part the flight is fine, except for the large woman who keeps leaking into my seat. But I'm very happy to see my family, who's at the airport to pick me up. My wife informs me that since it's only 8:40 we are going to stop for breakfast on the way home and guess what, the boys want to go to IHOP .

[GPK]

"Less than a minute..."

[MaTH716]

Originally Posted by GPK

"Less than a minute..."

You had to be there...........................

[Cajungator26]

I'm going to head to Tampa for the TB Derby with Lori probably ... anyone else planning on going?