Why I like Arkansas

[Downthestretch55]

I'm putting this here in good humor for one of my Arkansas buddies.
All in good fun....

You visit the Arkansas State Fair mainly to see your neighbor's prize chicken.

You've been invited to or had a bunkin' party.

You carry jumper cables in your car.

You'd rather be Number One in football than Number One in education.

You think that recycling means riding your bike down the same old path.
Your school classes were canceled because of cold, heat, a tornado, hunting, or a livestock show.
Down South means Louisiana.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waitin' to pass a tractor on the highway.

You have no problem spelling or pronouncin' Ouachita or Possum Grape.

You've seen all the biggest bands?ten years after their last hit.

Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and comes with cole slaw on top.

You say catty-wampus and tumped over.
You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
You eat at Senor Tequila's for atmosphere and Lolita's Tex-Mex for salsa.

You say, "I voted for Clinton to get him out of the state."
You measure distance in minutes.

You know the difference between a deer dog, a duck dog and a coon dog by the way they bark.
You know a bunch of people who have hit a deer.
You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you have family members.
Goin' on "vacation" means headin' through Harrison on the way to Branson.

You've never met any celebrities.

You know a few that have also hit a coyote.

You know what a "cow drop" is.

You have your own secret bbq sauce.
You put security lights on your house and your garage and leave both of them unlocked. (cont.)

You've seen the Boggy Creek Monster, or it has at least taken your chickens, cattle, dogs or livestock.
Pulaski County is considered a foreign or exotic place.
You know what Toad Suck and Booger Holler are.

You consider being a "Beef Queen" an honor.

You know how to snipe hunt.

You abhor homosexuality, but love "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."

You faithfully drink Pepsi, Mt. Dew, or Dr. Pepper everyday of your life.

When asked how your trip to any foreign, exotic place was you say, "It was different."
Stores don't have bags or carts?they have sacks and buggies.

You think orange barrels are really part of the interstate system.

Your traditional Thanksgiving dinner is a deep-fried turkey.

You see "No Hunting" signs are riddled with bullet holes.
You've ridden the school bus for an hour?each way.

You think "Animal House" is the training film for incoming athletes at the University of Arkansas.

Everyone you think of as a "liberal" is either Methodist or Catholic.
You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You think that Bill Clinton is a lyin', cheatin' sumbitch, but you'd still vote for him again in a heartbeat because he's OUR lyin' cheatin' sumbitch.

You've "offered" someone an "ass-whoopin'. "
You end your sentences with a preposition, for example, "Where's my coat at?"?. "What's that made out of?"
The three food groups are Velveeta, pork rinds and a six-pack.
All the festivals around the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, bricks, or lumber.

When you give directions they include "over yonder," "down the road a piece," and "right near."

You drink sweet iced tea out of a sports bottle.
You think ethanol makes your truck run a lot better.

You're not commitment-phobic: you love God, guns and football.

You'd rather have a Budweiser beer museum than a presidential library.
Priming was your first job?and you know what it means.

You think pinto beans are nekkid without hamhocks, cornbread and buttermilk.
When the forecast calls for an inch of snow, you run out with all the other crazies to stand in line for three hours to buy a month's worth of groceries.

Sweet milk and torn up biscuits in a glass is your favorite dessert.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.

You think bagels are nothing but a cruel doughnut joke invented by some Yankee!

You own three cars and one license plate.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Arkansas.

[brianwspencer]

i love those! of all the places I've lived, I've found the ones about Oregon to be the most accurate.....some of my favorites:

Your children learned to walk in Birkenstocks.

You complain about Californians as you sell your house to one for twice as much as you originally paid.

You only honk your horn if collision is imminent and never for anything else.

Most of your friends are from California.

You used to live somewhere else but won't admit it publicly.

You know a bride & groom that registered at REI.

You'd be miffed if the store was out of your favorite brand of water.

Know at least eight people who work for Intel or Nike, or used to work for Tektronix.

Know that Boring is a town and not just a state of mind.

Remember the date, severity, time of day, where you were, and how long you were out of power and phone service for every winter weather event in the last five years. [when they get an inch of snow, the newscast leads off with "WINTER BLAST 2005!!!!!!!!" with ominous music and graphics]

You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have the names of microbreweries/brewpubs printed on them.

You think downtown is "scary" because you were panhandled there, once.

You believe anyone who uses umbrellas is from California.

[GenuineRisk]

While we're poking fun at places we love... most of this one is frighteningly accurate. I wouldn't know about parking as I don't own a car, but I was secretly cheering on the bus driver this morning every time he ran a red light...

You Know You're from New York When...

1) You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license..

2) You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available. You and the other three passengers look at each other and know you have pure grit.

3) You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway.

4) You know what a "regular" coffee is

5) It's not Manhattan, it's the "City".

6) You get upset that a cabbie is obeying all the rules of the road

7) You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent.

8) There is no North and South. It's uptown or downtown. If you're really from New York you have absolutely no concept of where North and South are.

9) You cross the street anywhere but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting the fact.

10) You move 8,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn the minute you open your mouth.

11) You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a "real" pizza and "real" bagel.

12) A 500 square foot apartment is large.

13) Your co-worker commutes 45 minutes by train to a 2,000 square foot house in the suburbs that was the same price as that same 500 square foot apartment of yours that takes only 35 minutes to get to and you think he's a sucker.

14) You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas.

15) You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a P.A. announcement on the subway.

16) You have at least 50 menus in your apartment, two thirds of which you have neither ordered from nor even heard of.

17) You wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city.

18) You know that off - the - shelf insecticides are just laughing gas to the superior roaches cohabiting with you in the 500 square foot apartment.

19) You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the 4 major food groups: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian.

20) You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.

21) Your internal clock is permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the Street parking regulations are in effect.

22) You know what a bodega is.

23) You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats.

24) Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.....

25) You don't even notice the nice lady walking down the road having a perfectly normal conversation with her self.

26) You pay "only" $230 a month to park your car.

27) You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas.

28) The presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor.

29) Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you. (They take up all the parking spaces!)

30) You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop.

[brianwspencer]

those things are great because that basically describes every friend of mine who lives in nyc

[GenuineRisk]

Originally Posted by brianwspencer

those things are great because that basically describes every friend of mine who lives in nyc

No joke, a man wearing a GORILLA SUIT once walked within 12 inches of me and I never noticed him.

[Downthestretch55]

Originally Posted by GenuineRisk

No joke, a man wearing a GORILLA SUIT once walked within 12 inches of me and I never noticed him.

Too true Genuine Risk.
I wonder if the guy is still sitting outside of Grand central. He'd sit there day after day muttering very strange things as his head bounced back and forth.
Rain, snow...he was there everytime I went past. Most everyone else never seemed to notice him. My guess is that they were used to him.

btw, my son lives on the upper west side near Riverside. He used to live in the village. Fun place.

[Danzig]

but doesn't everyone carry jumper cables?
one of my employees said tumped over this morning. we had a big storm cell come thru, and she was worried the wind would 'tump' her truck over. funny that i've almost gotten used to that phrase, as well as 'fixin ta'--oh, but i don't use either--i refuse to conform.

here in our small town, they have a 'world famous armadillo festival'. there is a contest on who can catch the largest armadillo. i kid you not!! but of course it pales in comparison to 'toad suck days'. yep, there's a place called toad suck. but then, we have a 'bald knob' as well....

and no, i don't lock my doors very often. matter of fact, i have about 12k worth of atv's sitting in my garage, door up, with keys in the ignition...right next to the riding lawnmower...key in it as well.

but we don't need alarms systems here, or locks. everyone knows that smith, wesson, colt, and winchester are all the protection we need!!

[Danzig]

oh yeah..one other thing.

this morning, i was over in camden. city of about 18k. walking thru the parking lot, and a front license plate catches my eye. we only have rear plates here, so many get something with a deer, or a fish, or whatever, on their front.
this poor soul paid good money to get a plate made. the top word caught my eye, but couldn't tell you the bottom.


bonified. this person was a bonified something....
but i hesitated over the bonified. that isn't right, i thought to myself. not at all.

it's BONA FIDE. lol oh boy.

we were driving thru murfreesboro a couple of years ago--this is the place with the only public diamond mine that anyone can go and dig for diamonds, and people do find some nice ones. at any rate--drove by a store, who had a sign they had bought from a bona fide (lol) sign maker.
they were a jewlery store.. not jewelry, jewlery. cause dats how ya say it.

ah yes, life is so amusing at times.