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#1
08-16-2008, 07:31 PM
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How to Spank a Horse's Rear, with Dr. SwineSmeller
[quote] Geeker>Today is indeed a day of infamy..
The BABE died on this day! and so does the PIG's Picks... I cried... the end..thank God! [END QUOTE] ********************************************* I'm sorry Geeker, I may have been misinterpreted. I said I was resigning my In The Spotlight thread and taking my winnings to the bank. I didn't say I was leaving the scene of the crime. A 33% return on an investment in a week outperforms the average stock exhange return of about .15% for a like week, by over 200 fold. So, since an old man once told me, "Son, being greedy will get you rich one day and leave you busted nine more, I took the old feller's erudite advice and cashed in my stock. Call it my competitive nature, but I interpret your statement above as a challenge for another game in the Sport of Kings Geeker. You're on. The score starts over at zero to zero. Therefore, I enthusiastically dedicate my newest Derby Trail thoroughbred betting thread, entitled How to Spank a Horse's Rear, to the shameless betterment of all horsebuttkind. Let the game begin...... Dr. SwineSmeller 
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#2
08-16-2008, 07:35 PM
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#3
08-16-2008, 11:30 PM
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8/17/08 How to Spank a Horse's Rear, Del Mar.
8/17/08 How To Spank A Horse's Rear with Dr. SwineSmeller
Del Mar Races 2, 3 ,and 9. Post 2:30 Pacific time. After a search for a profitable card angle at Del Mar today, a triology of plays encasing the #3 gate, sprinkled over with a double dose of Pleasant Colony and Northern Dancer floats to the top. ************************************************** ************************************************** ****************************** In race 2 at Del Mar, the white water is rushing and jockey Mike Smith is preparing for a hootin' and hollerin' rapid ride upon #3 Rebel Creek. This float trip is for fillies and mares that are four years old and up, and will zip along for 6 furlongs for a purse of $26,000. Rebel Creek is a lightly raced 6 year old filly, posting only 9 lifetime starts for a 2-1-2 tote, worth $83,000 in olympic kayak paddles, and she fits well in this boatride at 8/1 sunrise odds. Rebel Creek is the collective granddaughter of Storm Cat and Eclipse winner Pleasant Colony, and she also sports a 4X4 Northern Dancer influence. As a two year old, Rebel Creek was a $90,000 Keenland purchase, and, as a two year old racer she broke her maiden racing at Santa Anita for a $46,000 purse, then she backed that win up with a $51,000 Hollywood Park allowance victory. Now, 4 years later, she takes to her home ground claiming for a $20,000 tag. If I am owner/trainer Bruce Headly, I need to have this girl ready and willing to gather top purse money in respect of a very possible claim today. When the flood gates open in the second race today at Del Mar, I'm taking a hootin' and hollerin' whitewater escapade on Rebel Creek for $26 WIN. I'll also play a $2 exacta box coupling #3 Rebel Creek with #5 Newport Topper (2/1). Go Baby Go!! ************************************************** ************************************************** ************************************** In race 3, a Sensational Score striking from the #3 gate appears highly probable. Jockey J Rosario mounts up for trainer Mike Mitchell and Rosario will tote a top weight of 124 pounds. Though Sensational Score's lifetime mark, (22 starts for 3-2-5), looks less than impressive on paper,... "paper don't race". Five year old Sensational Score was a *$250,000 two year old purchase, and coupled with the fact he has collected $169,000 in bank within a scanty three win career says this boy is at the top of this class. Coming in as the 2/1 sunrise favourite signals that Sensational Score is sound and ready to race today, and he is likely to hold those odds at post time, if not a touch higher. Gunning from the two turn slanted #3 gate is ever a plus. I'm banking that Sensational Score's $250,000 shiney rearend is all the rest of the field will be seeing when they straighten for home today in Del Mar's 3rd race. I'll play Sensational Score for $26 WIN. I'll also play a $2 exacta box coupling # 3 Sensational Score with #1 Pointing Star (12/1). Go Baby Go!! ************************************************** ************************************************** ********************************** In race 9, an icy 3 year old collective grandson of Alydar and Pleasant Colony, Coolerator, takes to the rink in a seven furlong contest for a purse of $19,000. Coolerator also sports a 4X4 Northern Dancer influence. Ice skater Victor Espinoza will dawn his darkest sunglasses to dim the icy glare of Coolerator's frosty mane. #3 Coolerator opens as the 3/1 favourite, and being a three year old racing against older horses, he will likley hold his 3/1 sunrise mark. Californian owner/breeder's Ralph and Aury Todd have sent Coolerator to post only twice, posting one game runner-up finish against older company. Coolerator will need to have ice water flowing through his veins to win today, but I can't find much of a reason why Coolerator should not be ready to do his best Apollo Ono imitation and skate home in front today. I'm banking Coolerator freezes the field today at Del Mar. I'll play Coolerator for $26 WIN. I'll also play a $2 exacta box coupling #3 Coolerator with #7 Mud Daubber (12/1). Go Baby Go!! Dr. SwineSmeller Last edited by Dr.SwineSmeller : 08-17-2008 at 01:48 AM.
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#4
08-17-2008, 12:02 AM
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#6
08-17-2008, 08:21 PM
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#7
08-17-2008, 09:37 PM
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8/17/08 Results and Recap, Del Mar Races 2, 3, and 9.
8/17/08 Results and Recap, How To Spank a Horse's Rear
Race 2- The Del Mar lockmaster prematurely opened the flood gates, causing Mike Smith to lose his kayak paddle. Sadly he drowned on Rebel Creek and was washed downstream all the way to the Pacific Ocean. His chewed up boots were found not far off the LA coast by a shark fisherman. Asta la vista. -$28 Race 3- The $250,000 Sensational Score PLACED, prompting trainer Mike Mitchell to call the Keenland Sale hotline and demand his owners money back on the grounds that they obviously got ripped off. -$30 Race 9- Victor Espinoza forgot to bring his dark sunglasses that he was to planning to wear so to reduce the icy glare shining off Coolerator's neck, and consequently, Espinoza drove Coolerator straight into a telephone pole. -$30 How To Spank a Horse's Rear statistics: Todays wagers: $88 bet, $0 return. Total called wagers to date: $88 bet, return $0. WPS record: 3 starts, 0-1-0. Mythical $2 Win on each= $6 Bet $0 return. Dr. SwineSmeller
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#8
08-17-2008, 09:39 PM
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Has anyone seen my horse?
Quote:
Dr. SwineSmeller
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#9
08-18-2008, 12:26 AM
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8/18/08 How To Spank a horse's Rear. Deleware Park, Race 6
8/18/08 How To spank a Horse's Rear with Dr. SwineSmeller
Deleware Park Race 6, post 3:00 pm Eastern time. Today brings the need for a single affordable power play to recoup yesterdays bank and pull even with a single calculated wager, while taking a high percentage swing. Yesterday, I played a $250,000 purchase (Sensational Score) and he Placed. Today, I'll attempt to corner a winning angle with a like play. ************************************************** ************ I'm not exactly sure what pretty boy's Net Present Value is, but when the Keenland auctioneer slapped his gavel on the podium, Silly Goose Racing Stable was cutting out a $250,000 check for his shiney hiney. (Why do I feel like I'm being set up for a murphy?) I can find about five good reasons not to play Net Present Value, and that's half of the logic as to why I am playing him, as his sunrise odds will likely hold true. The 6th race is a 6 furlong sprint with a purse of $26,000 for three year olds and up. None of either Jockey C H Marquez, trainer Josepeph Orseno, or owner Silly Goose can be found amongst the top twenty for wins in their respective catagories at Deleware Park. Three year old Net Present Value has accumulated a less than impressive 2-2-4 record in 14 starts, though he has banked a smooth $77,000, and his record shows that he is indeed a game racer more often than not. Despite his mediocre toteboard record, Net Present Value gets the sunrise odds nod at 2/1, and he will bust from the one hole carrying seven pounds under top weight. Marquez has the railspot and he should easily have Net Present Value well placed out of the gate for the backstretch run. All that will be left for Marquez is to ride that rail home. A lightly packed ground saving rail trip may be just what the doctor ordered for this quarter of a million dollar pretty boy to get his turn to smile and say "cheese". Net Present Value's sire, Successful Appeal, was a champion sprinter who has sired some quick ones. I'm banking his kiddo's sprinter genes show up today at Deleware Park. I'm taking a rocket rail ride with" Team Who?" today in Deleware. I'll play Net Present Value for $55 to WIN. I'll also play a $5 exacta box coupling #1 Net Present Value with #5 Sandbagin' Lover (6/1). Go Baby Go!! Dr. SwineSmeller
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#10
08-18-2008, 04:00 PM
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8/18/08 Results and Reacap, How To Spank a Horse's Rear
8/18/08 Results and Recap, How To Spank a Horse's Rear
Delaware Park Race 6. Strategy: [quote].... the need for a single affordable power play to recoup yesterdays bank and pull even with a single calculated wager, while taking a high percentage swing. Yesterday, I played a $250,000 purchase (Sensational Score) and he Placed. Today, I'll attempt to corner a winning angle with a like play. [end quote] Results: Net Present Value's caclculator is perfectly calibrated, and the $250,000 shiney hiney says "cheese" after his rocket rail trip, therefore completing the angle play and putting my bank exactly $1 on the plus side in one swing following yesterdays opening 0 for 3 miss. Net Present Value pays $5.60 to WIN. (Came close, but no cigar, to pulling a double lick as exacta play, first time starter Sandbagin' Lover, gets up to show). +$154.00 Net Present Value announced his retirement from the Sport of Kings following his mug shot in the Deleware Park winner's circle with his "Team Who?", as the horse says that he will be taking a position on Obama's cabinet as Secretary of Finance this coming November. Good luck with that fancy pants! How To Spank a Horse's Rear statistics: Todays wager: $65 bet, return $154 Total wagers to date: Bet $153.00, return $154.00 WPS record: 4 starts, 1-1-0. Mythical $2 Win on each= $8 bet, return $5.60. Dr. SwineSmeller Last edited by Dr.SwineSmeller : 08-19-2008 at 11:56 PM.
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#11
08-19-2008, 02:11 AM
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8/19/08 "How To Spank a Horse's Rear", Deleware Park.
8/19/08 How To Spank a Horse's Rear, with Dr. SwineSmeller
Delaware Park, Races 2, 7, and 8. Post 1:12 Eastern time. The lineups at Delaware Park today resemble the aftermath of a demolition derby. Even so, a sharp angle of shiney steel can sometimes be cut from twisted scrap iron. With Deleware's top two welders out of the shop today, Gabriel Saez stands as top torchman, and I'm banking on him to make three NASCAR's out of three WRECKEDCAR's. Weld on a double play using the one hole, a double play using "top rider for top purses", and a double play of horses that have 4 words in their name all rolled into one big long name that's hard to read, and the percentages increase for a blindsided hit and run. ************************************************** ************** Race 2. When Gumpster Stables LLC paid a salvage yard price of $1350.00 for a rambling wreck named Cashew Cat, who knows what they were thinking? But, it turned out to be the investment of the century, as Cashew Cat has banked back Gumpster over 50 times their investment, winning $59,000 spark plugs, while banging out a 4-1-1 record in 13 starts. Evidently when her spark plugs are all firing, it's like she's running white lightning in her tank, but when she gets a fender caved in, her wheels simultaneously fall off. Saez is only given a 6/1 chance of welding his rusty bumpered ride back together first, but, he should be able to weld Cashew Cat to the the rail up front early. In this a two turn event, the top torchman may be all that's needed for Cashew Cat to avoid demolition. I'm banking Gumpster Stables has installed a new set of lugnuts on #1 Cashew Cat's wheels. I'll play Cashew Cat for $24 WIN. I'll also play a $3 exact box coupling #1 Cashew Cat with #3 Casey's Irish Pride (4/1). Go Baby Go!! ************************************************** **************** Race 7. Santa has brought Delaware's top torchman an early Christmas present this year. The only problem for Saez is, it ain't exactly what he wanted for Christmas. It's a brand spanking new one horse open dented up sleigh named Mrsclausain'tdone. I'm not sure of everything Mrs.Claus ain't done, but according to Santa, she's sure done a lousy job as a sleigh driver. At 5/1 odds, Saez will need to break out his best ballpeen hammer to bang all of the dents out of #1 Mrsclausain'tdone, but a look at her registration papers says Mrs.Claus has all the right tools to lend the torchman a worthy hand. I'm banking the top torchman welds #1 Mrsclausain'tdone's sleigh to the rails today. I'll play Mrsclausain'tdone for $24 WIN. I'll also play a $3 exacta box coupling #1 Mrsclausain'tdone with #8 Exchange Artist (3/1). Also, I can't resist this whim, so I'll play a $2 exacta box coupling #1 Mrscvlausain'tdone with #4 Oh What Fun (6/1). Go Baby Go!! ************************************************** **************** Race 8. Upon initial appraisal, Possetothemax looks like a junk dealer's dream car. But the owner may beg to differ. Posseetothemax gets in the demolition ring with some hard chromed bumpers who have all won more crash-ups than himself, yet # 6 Possetothemax has the most cash stashed in the trunk. Finishing 2-1-6 in 14 starts says Possetothemax sports some fairly game bumpers himself, and he is likely to give you his best high speed rammin' at 8/1 odds, especially with the top torchman Gabriel Saez at work. I'm crashing 'em up with Possetothemax for $24 to WIN. I'll also play a $3 exacta box coupling #6 Possetothemax with #1 Jet Run (4/1). Go baby Go!! Dr. SwineSmeller Last edited by Dr.SwineSmeller : 08-19-2008 at 11:55 PM.
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#12
08-19-2008, 07:14 PM
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#13
08-19-2008, 08:52 PM
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#14
08-19-2008, 08:57 PM
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Dont let it faze you Dr. Swinesmeller. Betting tuesday afternoon cards at Delaware park is a sure way to get the garage shut down
 so I might consider that your day off. Even the lord took a day's rest. Anyway, Saratoga tommorow. Lets see some winners!
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#17
08-19-2008, 11:49 PM
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8/19/08 Results and Recap, Deleware Park Races 2, 7, and 8.
8/19/08 Results and Recap, How To Spank a Horse's Rear, with Dr. SwineSmeller.
The Govenor of Delaware says that Gabriel Saez has been fired from his job as top torchman effective immediately. And he's looking for the idiot who hired him too. In Race 2,top torchman Saez said he misunderstood the head engineer's order when he was told to weld Cashew Cat down on the rail, so he did. When the bell rung, Saez and Cashew Cat was just stuck there, wiggling away. -$30 In Race 7, Saez did not order enough welding rods needed to put Mrsclauseain'tdone's rails back on her sleigh, as he used them all up on his top notch Cashew Cat welding job, so he used a tube of Wal-Mart glue instead. It didn't work. Mrsclausain'tdone's rails broke loose in the first turn and she skidded NASCAR style into the outside rail. -$34 In Race 8, Saez used duct tape and bailing wire to put his jaloppy's bumpers on for the demolition derby. It didn't work either. The bumbers fell off and Possetothemax got smashed. Possetothemax's says he will retire from racing in favor of an acting job on Broadway, where he will play the part of an accordion. -$30 Saez says he has been offered a job with Volkswagon as a crash test dummy. ***************************************** How to Spank a Horse's Rear, statistics: Todays wagers: $94 bet, return $0. Total wagers to date: $247.00 bet, return $154. WPS record: 7 starts, 1-1-0. Mythical $2 Win on each = $14 bet, return $5.60. Dr. SwineSmeller
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#18
08-20-2008, 01:03 AM
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8/20/08 How To Spank a Horse's Rear, Saratoga
8/20/08 How to Spank a Horse's Rear with Dr. SwineSmeller
Saratoga Race 9, post 5:30 Eastern time. In today's Saratoga feature, the $150,000 Albany Stakes, a lively young group of seven hot rod New York breds will grind it out for 1 1/8 miles for the claim to the title of Mr. New York. Tested Triple Crown warrior, Icabad Crane comes in as the 5/2 second choice in the sunrise odds. That's because 2/1 favorite Tin Cup Chalice comes in undefeated at 6 for 6, with a New York Derby victory at Finger Lakes included. But Finger Lakes doesn't match up to the top class competition level that Icabad challenged in this years Triple Crown series. Icabod is double Tin Cup's class, and should Icabad Crane not take the checkered flag today, it would be a proportional upset, no matter what the post time odds say. The 1 1/8th mile distance could not suit Icabad Crane any better. If Icabad can take the Show spot in the 1 3/16 mile Preakness, he should dominate a group of his NY homeboys at 1 1/8th miles. R A Dominquez is up top. I'm betting Icabad Crane's alarm clock goes off early and he is wide awake today for Saratoga's Mr. New York contest. I'll play Icabad Crane for $48 to WIN. Go Baby Go!! http://www.pedigreequery.com/icabad+crane Dr. SwineSmeller Last edited by Dr.SwineSmeller : 08-20-2008 at 12:49 PM.
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#19
08-20-2008, 07:02 AM
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Quote:
 I see sparkles too
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#20
08-20-2008, 02:23 PM
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Uh Oh.... It seems the good doc is altering his selection posts After the race..... Shame, Shame...
RE: ORIGINALLY POSTED 8/19/2008 3:11 AM: Quote:
Last edited by Dr.SwineSmeller : Today at 12:55 AM. What up, G??!! You don't like your picks AFTER the race so you edit your post/picks???!!!! That is Sooooo worse than redboarding.... Last edited by Rudeboyelvis : 08-20-2008 at 02:34 PM.
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