Anybody hear any good jokes lately?

[bigrun]

Has this ice cream truck been in your area? Haven't seen it around here yet
I wanna try the vanilla quickie



http://www.nydailynews.com/life-styl...icle-1.1843305

[mclem0822]

Originally Posted by bigrun

Has this ice cream truck been in your area? Haven't seen it around here yet
I wanna try the vanilla quickie



http://www.nydailynews.com/life-styl...icle-1.1843305

In the immortal words of Yakov Smirnoff " WHAT A COUNTRY"

[casp0555]

Its an old one.....

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
>
>
>
>
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'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............'

[bigrun]

A new fragrance ...wonder who put this together


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yRJiP4f_EU

[Crown@club]

Originally Posted by bigrun

A new fragrance ...wonder who put this together


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yRJiP4f_EU

Don't know about the video, but the skit was from the Bob and Tom Show out of Indy. Kristi Lee and Chick McGee and Bob, Tom's and other's stupid laughs, even though this was pretty funny w/o that laughs

[casp0555]

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse,
his wife, his daughter and two sons are with him.
So, he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
"Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential
buildings on the banks of the river."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Doug slips away,
she says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a
hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".

v
v
v
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v
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Sarah
replies, "Property? .... the IDIOT had a paper route

Have a GREAT DAY and BE SAFE!

[bigrun]

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

[mclem0822]

Originally Posted by bigrun

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

[geeker2]

Q: What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens?

A: Undocumented democrats.

Actually I think this is even funnier


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_5635416.html

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by geeker2

Q: What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens?

A: Undocumented democrats.

Actually I think this is even funnier


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_5635416.html

On that page Geraldo dares to question Hannity

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ml?cps=gravity

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by geeker2

Q: What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens?

A: Undocumented democrats.

Actually I think this is even funnier


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_5635416.html

And this cartoon just in..Boehner Blowing Smoke

[bigrun]

My wife reduced our sex life to twice a week, which isn't bad, I know three guys she cut out completely..

Rodney Dangerfield

[bigrun]

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine imported cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At each of the houses along his route, he was met with congratulations, farewells, cards, and gifts of all types and values. At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful young blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where they had a most passionate liaison. Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, ".....but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you?" He said, "...Screw him...give him a dollar." The blonde then blushed and said, "....But the breakfast was my idea."

[bigrun]

62-year-old Sheridan , Wyoming cowboy: "Gimme 3 packets of Trojans."
Pharmacist: "Do you need a paper bag?"
Cowboy: "Nah ... She's purty good lookin'...."
When you are over sixty-one who gives a shit?

***********

This ******* looked at my beer belly last night and
sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
When you are over sixty-one who gives a shit?

***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,
"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your
hair cut, you'd look okay."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over
there instead of you."
When you are over sixty-one who gives a shit?

***********

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess
what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose
patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
When you are over sixty-one who gives a shit?

***********

[bigrun]

The Drill Sergeant

The Marine Corps Drill Sergeant noticed a new recruit and barked at him, 'Get your ass over here! What's your name?"
"Paul," the new recruit replied.
"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy bull-**** they're teaching in boot camp today, but I don't call anyone by his first name," the sergeant scowled.
"It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my recruits by their last names only --- Smith, Jones, Baker.
I am to be referred to only as 'Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, sir, Sergeant!"
"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"
The recruit sighed. "Darling, My name is Paul Darling."
"Okay, Paul, now here's what I want you to do ....."

[herkhorse]

Have any of you guys ever had rodeo sex?





Rodeo sex is when you're riding your wife or girlfriend doggie style and you call her by the wrong name and see if you can stay on for 8 seconds.




Whoa! :eek






Thud

[NavalOrange]

I heard that one before. But where and when I can not remember. I think I was celebrating a championship.

[GenuineRisk]

I read this one yesterday on, of all places, a blog by a woman who fled the Quiverfull movement. When asked what sex with a Quiverfull husband is like, she said, it's like the old joke about the boy bunny meeting the girl bunny in a field and saying, "Don't worry, this won't take long, did it?"

[Danzig]

Originally Posted by GenuineRisk

I read this one yesterday on, of all places, a blog by a woman who fled the Quiverfull movement. When asked what sex with a Quiverfull husband is like, she said, it's like the old joke about the boy bunny meeting the girl bunny in a field and saying, "Don't worry, this won't take long, did it?"

i saw that yesterday. too funny!

[bigrun]

New White House Security




http://www.theonion.com/articles/oba...r-bed-n,36986/