Handicapping 101

[Mortimer]

Originally Posted by my miss storm cat

That either means i'm the fellatio queen or you want a new Tonka truck for Christmas..... not sure.

ég geta gera þú öskur

Apparently you don't know Icelandish as well as you think you do.


Gotta meinken brasta erogenousgu' geldenberk

[Mortimer]

jeg elsker hende

[my miss storm cat]

Originally Posted by Meridian_Artisan

Apparently you don't know Icelandish as well as you think you do.


Gotta meinken brasta erogenousgu' geldenberk

Whilst my Icelandic is not quite up to par, i am pretty good at other, ummm.... things.

Here you're either saying that you soon need to be gelded or do i prefer bratwurst to be 9 inches or 11.

Hmmm.....

By the way, your capping sucks.

[MISTERGEE]

never dreamed id be reading icelandic posts on here

[my miss storm cat]

Originally Posted by MISTERGEE

never dreamed id be reading icelandic posts on here

I'm sorry but aren't you supposed to be working on the special birthday song for Morty in Icelandic?

Is it finished yet?

Please advise.

[2Hot4TV]

Originally Posted by Meridian_Artisan

You there. You look like an insane person. What is your prime motivater in handicapping? What is it you look for in a horse more than any of the other tripe floatng around out there in space----seeking more space as in the heads of so many of your friends here?

In other words; what is it that has made you suck all these years?

Are you talkin to me?

[2Hot4TV]

This is like pulling the string on a Chattie Cathy doll. Nothing of any substance.

[MISTERGEE]

ive got the melody down storm cat, but the words are mostly expletives

[2 Dollar Bill]

I hate to ask a stupid question..... BUT...... why is this tread STILL going ?

[2 Dollar Bill]

I know WHY....I got pulled into another ""Morty"" thread....
......Nevah Mind.................

[2Hot4TV]

"Pull the string".......... Meridian_Artisan, What makes you so angry???????

[horseofcourse]

What could I possibly learn from Meridian about handicappin?? I have not one single time lost money at a day at the track. Each May for 3 or 4 weeks I truck my 4 kids down to Pocatello Downs and bet the pretty QHs and Appaloosas running 300 yards and usually bet the favorite to show and at the end of the day am up 3 to 4 dollars and can buy all of my 4 kids a small frosty at Wendy's (almost!). I have not one single time lost money at the race track ever. You're actually telling me I can do better than that??

You'll never earn the coin I do at Pocatello Downs. (my key to handicapping the QHs is never listen to your kids talking about the darkest horses which they think are the prettiest.)

[Mortimer]

I see the zookeepper has been lax latley.

Prime Time is pretty upset along several fronts.I ,as usual, have better things to do right now,but will returrn to let this embarrassing gathering of yaks know exactly what I think of you all.






William S. Dullest

[2Hot4TV]

Location: I live on a massive estate in a private gated community.
Posts: 61

Make sure you mow the lawn today after you serve brunch, Chatty!

(pull the string)

[Mortimer]

Hello 2Snots4Pee;







Great seeing your live unicycle juggling act is still wowing the over 90 crowd.







Did you have any cadaver siblings who actually got buried?









Hey----don't bother with my expert advise.







































You'll get there.





























Eventually.















I mean when one considers the great technological advancements being made in the medical sciences....


























































....and if you live to be 135........






















































.....and are no older than 3 now.































I have every confidence .
































































Bets retards....I mean best regards,


Bill Dullest

[Mortimer]

I am hard pressed to find a reason to review rules 1-3 today ....as planned.



So if there is someone out there who really wants to learn something.....please reveal yourself.




I will respond when I'm good and ready.

[Mortimer]

Now here's a youngster who knows championship handicapping when he sees it.






Good.







Now then------rule one said to never handicap speed.


Do you understand this? What is your prime factor in handicapping ( I guarantee you it's wrong.)

[Mortimer]

You know ---this is a very common mistake made by junior handicappers.




Now why is this ?



I'm going to tell you.









It's because too many public handicappers spew out this method. Oh they cloak it in the jargon,but 90% of them are doing the very same thing. It's the black and white of it.




Get that method out of your mind right now.




And DO NOT handicap speed because ,as you know, speed will kill you.



Look at DialDirt.








You are not looking for the fastest horse. You ar looking for the one who will finish first.





Let me say that again.







You are not looking for the fastest horse. You ar looking for the one who will finish first.







Think the tortise and the hare ....here.











Sinking in?

[Mortimer]

Good. I'll come back later and review rule 2.



You're doing well.























Dullest Dust:


Consider playing football along the East Coast today.

[2Hot4TV]

A Morty Clone or a Flea?