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#1
02-21-2011, 11:09 AM
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Reason # 343,547,295,349,710,743
Why I hate God.
Just got into work and observed my store was broken into over the weekend. By a skunk. Nothing like airing out a stinky space while it's 15 degrees out. 
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#2
02-21-2011, 11:18 AM
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Maybe you're gay? Or had an abortion? Or both
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#3
02-21-2011, 11:39 AM
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Maybe your store smells like skunk p.ussy and attracted a male skunk.
Or it could be the fat chick you've got locked in the office smells like skunk p.ussy.
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#5
02-21-2011, 12:34 PM
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Waambulance alert. Be happy your store isn't in Libya.
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#6
02-21-2011, 01:06 PM
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#7
02-21-2011, 01:07 PM
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#9
02-21-2011, 01:54 PM
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Sorry Charlie but hey at least you have a festive activity to keep you busy.
Could have been worse... someone could have taken stuff, cash, destroyed stuff... could have been TFM and then what if he had a heart attack or got really sick or something while he was lurking around looking for stuff to swipe? Would that have been better? To open your shop this morning and see TFM sprawled out on the floor, foaming at the mouth, grasping at the air while the overwheliming stench from nearby vomit fills your lungs? Gasping as each breath becomes more toxic than the last and then you really feel nauseous when you realize he's relieved himself... multiple times (!!!) as he's been laying there like a big, fat slug for a day and a half? You suddenly have a flashback to 9th grade science and remember the sickening slide show your teacher - the one you wanted to bang - showed that one Halloween morning. It was a slime mold blob and you were horrified when she daintily propped herself up on the desk, her skirt becoming shorter (and you contemlated dropping a pencil to see if you could look up it) and shorter. Anyway she sat there in her little black skirt and with her headband with the cat ears and smiled and explained that a slug is really thousands and thousands of slime mold blobs and you suddenly stopped entertaining yourself with the fantasy of how you'd give it to her cause you felt your stomach feel like it was about to explode and you held your breath and now, back to reality, you're holding your breath cause his flailing arms are becoming more and more filled with urgency and you see the sweat stains from his underarms and know you're going to have to at least help him up to a sitting position and you think Jesus Christ why couldn't it have just been a skunk or something.... Umm so yeah sorry about the skunk that God sent ovah. Sucks. Could have been worse but it sucks all the same.
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#10
02-21-2011, 05:56 PM
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Look, I never said boo hoo for me!
I just don't like God because she keeps doing stupid ass pranks like that to me.
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#12
02-21-2011, 10:34 PM
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Again, I wasn't suffering, or being whiney, or even bitchy.
It was more like a "WTF" moment. Judging by my customers reactions today, I'm sure the histrionics from quite a few people on this board would have been spectacular, however.
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#13
02-21-2011, 11:36 PM
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 You know we love you.
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#14
02-22-2011, 03:50 PM
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Maybe it has nothing to do with God. Just a Pepe Lapeww moment. Maybe he was cold? I thought those Fkrs hibernated.
__________________
"After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it. I sure as hell wouldn't want to live in a society where the only people allowed guns are the police and the military."...William S. Burroughs
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#15
02-22-2011, 03:54 PM
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Looked it up, they don't hibernate, but they will sleep for a few weeks in the coldest part of winter. Maybe God does hate you.
__________________
"After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it. I sure as hell wouldn't want to live in a society where the only people allowed guns are the police and the military."...William S. Burroughs
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#16
02-22-2011, 04:13 PM
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Oh yeah, except for fatties.
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